Mr and Mrs Smith

Brangelina in Mr and Mrs Smith

In 2005, the world as we knew it was a much different, much simpler place. Brad Pitt was still married to that cute girl from Friends, Jennifer Aniston, and she wasn’t painted as a sad, baby-less spinster in every tabloid that was having a slow news day. Angelina Jolie was still a successful actress best known for making out on the red carpet, wearing a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, adopting children on her own and completing humanitarian aid work around the world. All peachy, right guys? But when Pitt and Jolie co-starred in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the spy movie that was more about the super attractive leads sucking face while being pretty together than it was a traditional thriller, universes collided and Hollywood — nay, Earth — was never the same again. Just a few months after the film’s premiere, Pitt and Aniston got divorced. He famously became involved with Jolie soon after, and they now have six children and successful careers to rest on. (Don’t worry; Aniston’s doing just fine for herself, too.) Although they’ve kept busy with ample projects, Pitt and Jolie have never worked together again since their infamous turn in Smith. But that’s about to change, with The Hollywood Reporter signaling that the couple is working on a “mystery project,” likely based on a script that Jolie wrote several years ago.

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So, Dear Reader, you’re totally pumped to see Rock of Ages when it opens this weekend? You think it’s going to be pretty rad? Oh, that’s excellent. Good for you. Have a blast. I’m staying home because it looks like the kind of moronic twaddle that I can’t even enjoy on an ironic level. I’ll just kick back and watch me some Born on the Fourth of July because there’s only one kind of Tom Cruise I enjoy and that’s the balding, scruffy, three-sheets-to-the-wind, blubbering-like-a-toddler and lamenting-his-permanent-erectile-dysfunction kind. Hold up. Did I hear you say…Bazelli? As in Bojan Bazelli? As in one of the greatest DPs of our time? He shot Rock of Ages? Hmm. Well…I’m still not interested, although I’m sure Rock of Ages will look fantastic. Yep. I’ll just stay home, sippin’ on my jug of butterscotch schnapps and reveling in my favorite Bazelli-lensed memories. For instance, how about:

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A quick poll of folks around the Reject HQ offices this morning shows that no one thinks that rebooting Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a good idea. That was to be expected. I’m the only one here at the moment and I think it’s probably the dumbest idea I’ve seen since about an hour ago. However, I’m willing to give this story a shot. Lets check out the details.

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