Michael Caine

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr is inspired by Larry the Cable Guy and his character of Mater in the Cars movies. After all, if a buck-toothed rusty redneck pick-up truck can travel the world, why can’t a bald-yet-hairy fat guy from Ohio can do so as well. Kevin lurked in the streets of Tokyo, hoping to stumble onto some classy British spies and uncover a plot to undermine green energy sources. Then he brushed off his teaching degree and got a job at a middle school where he drank profusely, slept through the day and threw dodge balls at the kids. When he tried to explain to the cops that he was just following in the way of Cameron Diaz’s character from Bad Teacher, they just laughed at him and hauled him away.

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Five years after the success of Cars, Pixar finally drops the second installment on waiting audiences in Cars 2. I am unabashedly a Pixar fan; I’ve loved almost everything they’ve offered up since ’95′s Toy Story. This noted, Cars 2 is one of the most unintentionally weird and schizophrenic mainstream features I’ve seen in theaters in a long time. Film-goers are thrust into the current plot via a violent, ten minute intro to the newest character in the Cars universe, Finn McMissile (Michael Caine), as he attempts to uncover the nefarious scheming of Professor Zündapp (Thomas Kretschmann) on an ocean oil rig. It’s showy and fun, but the eventual payoff is, again, very weird.

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This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr spent the night in jail after trying to sneak in and see Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D. The cops didn’t believe him that he was trying to watch the latest remake of Thunderball. Sadly, they just saw a pervy looking fat guy squealing and crying with a group of thirteen year old girls. Fortunately, he had a chance to catch the other movies of the week, including Gnomeo and Juliet, Just Go With It and The Eagle. He also gives a little bit of love (what’s left of it anyway after spending the night in lock-up) to the Oscar-Nominated Shorts.

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I’m not one for hyperbole, but sometimes a movie warrants some. So, here goes: Gnomeo & Juliet is the greatest film ever made about living, breathing garden gnomes. Throw in the whole Shakespeare element, including references to a Rosencratz and Guildenstern moving company and an animated statue of the Bard himself, and you can be sure that there will never again be another picture quite like it.

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Many older actors have seen fit to join big studio franchise-style material lately. Sir Anthony Hopkins in Thor, Sir Ben Kingsley in Prince of Persia. Despite the titles, these actors have never been above a paycheck – it’s the working British actor’s philosophy: a job is a job. Now, Sir Michael Caine joins the ranks by joining Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D 2: The Mysterious Island. It’s clear that the old codger can still rock an action scene if he needs to, and he’ll need to here because there are apparently bees (probably giant ones) on The Mysterious Island. Now, we can only hope there’s a fist fight and he takes The Rock down. [THR]

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Like the trailer, you might want to steer clear of the 40 pictures in this gallery just in case you’re keeping your mind as free and clear as possible before feeling the darkness of the theater wash over you. On the other hand, you might want to continue building your excitement by digging through each and every one of them. Twice.

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Inception

This weekend, the release of Iron Man 2 has brought with it two red-hot new trailers. The first we’ve shown you, for the new J.J. Abrams-directed thriller Super 8. The other is for Christopher Nolan’s Inception. Come on in and watch the latter.

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The folks at Warner Bros. continue to remind us that Christopher Nolan hasn’t even decided to do another movie, let alone choose cast for one. But as always, that could change on a dime, especially if loose-lipped executives continue to chat with the equally loose-lipped Michael Caine.

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Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight

The tagline of one of the movie’s posters is “welcome to a world without rules” and it could not be more fitting. Nolan’s vision is no-holds-barred and all the better for it. This movie is dark and complex, and never shies away from collateral damage or the potential thereof, which rewards the audience with one of the most suspenseful climaxes in recent memory.

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Christian Bale as The Dark Knight... Rocks!

Quite simply, when you see The Dark Knight, you’re going to realize how truly awful the first wave of Batman films were.

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The Dark Knight

The year’s most anticipated summer film is still weeks away, but that doesn’t mean we can’t give you a first-hand account of its brilliance. Yeah, that’s right — we said brilliance. Behold, the epic spectacle that is The Dark Knight.

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