The original Left Behind was not a quality film. This isn’t coming from me, as I haven’t seen it; I’m going by the word of Jerry B. Jenkins, one of the authors of the original sixteen “Left Behind” novels. According to Jenkins, he and his writing partner Tim LaHaye sold away their movie rights to the first available outlet, and ended up with three “church basement movies.” I’ve never seen a movie in a church basement, but I’m guessing they’re not of the highest quality. And that’s why Jenkins and LaHaye sued Cloud Ten Pictures Inc., on the grounds that Left Behind: The Movie, Left Behind II: Tribulation Force and Left Behind: World at War were bad movies. Apparently, that’s a thing you can do now. It’s also a thing you can win, because in 2008, Jenkins and LaHaye emerged the victors after almost a decade of legal squabbling. They had what they set out to obtain: the right to remake their Rapture-based thriller novels as the blockbuster film series they’d always imagined. Back in January, we were treated to our first clip of their new Left Behind. Not only did it have Nicolas Cage, but it had Nicolas Cage saying “But hey, if she’s gonna run off with another man, why not Jesus?” with a wistful sigh. Jesus, it seems, has given up the whole “dying for our sins” thing, and is now running off with our women like a common Lothario.