King Arthur

Summer Movie Season

Take a moment and pull out you day planner (old school) or fire up your iCal (or similar) or even yank your monthly calendar down from the wall (watch the pushpins), and refer to the months of May through August, 2016. How do they look? Free? Probably. They shouldn’t be, at least if Hollywood has any bearing on your scheduling choices. The 2014 summer movie season – which now, apparently, starts in May – hasn’t even kicked off yet, but Hollywood is already looking ahead two years to the bounty of (hopeful) riches that will await movie fans in 2016. From superheroes to, well, more superheroes to long-awaited sequels to even something for the kiddos, the 2016 summer movie season looks like it’s going to have it all. And now it’s going to have the first of a planned six-part series about the adventures of King Arthur, because why the hell not?

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King Arthur

Long ago, in a time called 2011, development began at Warner Bros. on a film called Arthur & Lancelot. Set to star Game of Thrones‘ Kit Harrington and Robocop‘s Joel Kinnaman in the leads alongside Colin Farrell and directed by David Dobkin, it was to be a retelling of the King Arthur tale, but the project ultimately fell through due to budgetary problems; $130m was a bit much for the sword in the stone. Even prior to that, Warner Bros. gave the go ahead on a 2010 remake of the 1981 film Excalibur, with Bryan Singer at the helm — which also failed to get off the ground. Now Guy Ritchie, who had once attempted to make his own film with a script by Trainspotting writer John Hodge (it fell through when Dobkin’s movie looked like it was going to get made), is teaming with the studio to get back in the sword business with a King Arthur story on a much more massive scale. Massive, as in a six film franchise which will apparently spare no detail in the legendary tale of the war king, the wizard Merlin and the Knights of the Round Table.

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Boiling Point

No matter what I say below, know this: I will see Shark Night 3D. There are no press screenings, no DVDs mailed to my home. I will head out to a theater to watch it because I love sharks and I love watching people get eaten by them. So to be extra clear: I haven’t seen the film yet. No one has. But still, I’m going to bitch about it, because that’s how I roll. Why? Well, because it’s easy to get mad at this film. It’s rated PG-13. I mean, if there ever was a title for a hard R-rating, it’s Shark Night 3D. After all, Piranha 3D, which was probably instrumental in green lighting this late entry to Shark Week, was well received because of its gore. Its nudity. Its generally over the top nature. Without Jerry O’Connell getting his dick bit off and two hot, naked women swimming for six minutes, that film is a pile of crap. The blood makes it – and the PG-13 rating for Shark Night might break it.

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Not Actual Screenshot

For the record, I resisted the urge to make a pun about Warren Ellis pulling the script for Excalibur out of a stone. Although it’s a possibility.

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