Kim Kardashian

Temptation

Given its incredibly long, semi-coloned title, you would probably think that Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor was a sequel to something, or at least an adaptation of one in a series of popular books, right? Nope. It turns out this movie is just an original story by Tyler Perry, and its title is just the latest monument that this master of self-promotion has built in honor of himself. Perry’s ridiculous promotional tactics aside, how does the movie look? He’s not starring in it himself, and there’s no cross-dressing humor, so maybe it’s not going to be all that bad, right? Nah, actually, from the looks of this trailer, it seems like Confessions of a Marriage Counselor is probably going to be one of the early contenders for worst movie of 2013.

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Dalek Pumpkin

What is Movie News After Dark? As of this evening, it’s a nightly movie news column that’s just happy to have a place to call home. It’s thankful for hard working code monkeys and developer-types who worked countless hours to put Humpty Dumpty (that’s actually what we call our server — coincidence, perhaps) back together again. Now it’s time to do the news. We begin tonight with the best pumpkin design I’ve seen thus far, a Dalek from Doctor Who. It was sent to me by our spooktacular Managing Editor Cole Abaius this afternoon in an email titled “Just in case we have a website ever again…” It’s been a stressful weekend.

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Haven’t seen enough Kim Kardashian on your TV and in your news over the last 12 months? Well then do I have some good news for you. Kardashian had a number of comments to make about a prospective new career while red carpeting around at the SAG awards. She started her threats by telling E! cameras, “I love acting”, which seems like it could have been harmless enough chitchat if she hadn’t also claimed, “There are a few offers on the table, but I definitely want to make the right decision for the right part.” And what could that “right part” be? Well, genre fans, get ready to weep.

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Kim Kardashian Lara Croft

I can’t imagine seeing Kim Kardashian doing anything well on-screen beyond what I saw when she appeared in that tasteless home movie with Ray J. That’s his name, right — Ray J? However, I appear to not be the only person in this realm. Someone out there thinks that Kim Kardashian and all of her famous body parts might make for a half-decent, family friendly Lara Croft in a Tomb Raider revival. Haven’t they seen her previous work? There’s nothing family friendly about it.

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Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo are the only saving graces of Disaster Movie

Just like we saw the collapse of torture porn in 2007, we are very likely seeing the collapse of the spoof movie in 2008.

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Amy Winehouse takes a drink in Disaster Movie

After the horrors that were Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans, I can’t imagine anyone would willingly sit through Disaster Movie while sober.

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Britney Spears to play a Lesbian Stripper in Faster PUssycat Kill Kill

How perfect is it that Quentin Tarantino may have chosen pop star turned trashy drama queen Britney Spears to star in his Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! alongside hardcore porn star turned actress Tera Patrick?

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Hello? Mom? Can you get me out of this awful movie?

The only way to top this is if Uwe Boll titles his next film The Worst Movie Ever!

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