Justin Lin

Likes Miles Bennett Dyson before her, Megan Ellison is single mindedly marching forward with plans that will lead to the creation of Terminators. There have been rumors going around that a new Terminator movie is in the works with Justin Lin directing and Arnold Schwarzenegger attached to do at least something in the acting department. Well turns out that those rumors are very much true, as the rights to the film have been auctioned off and Megan Ellison’s Annapurna Films has come up the winner. Up until zero hour it was reportedly looking very much like Lionsgate would come out on top of the bidding war, but the fact that Ellison has a bunch of money seems to have been the difference maker. This grab at a big budget franchise marks a bit of a turn in the strategy Ellison has employed so far in her budding film producing career. Up to this point she had seemed to be sticking to funding beleaguered projects that respected but financially underappreciated directors had in the works. She is involved in Kathryn Bigelow’s upcoming Bin Laden film, John Hillcoat’s bootlegging adventure The Wettest County in the World, and even several projects that Paul Thomas Anderson has on the table, including a religious drama starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Now she’s very pointedly going after an established franchise with one of the biggest names in the world attached.

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This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr gets in his car and hits the road with a can of NOS energy drink and his shaved head. Too bad his car is a 2006 Dodge minivan with collapsible seats and a back-seat DVD player for the kids to use. He didn’t stand a chance in the street racing against Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. After recovering from the cold, hard truth that The Rock stole his look for Fast Five, Kevin goes stag to Prom and suffers through the direct-to-DVD theatrical release of Hoodwinked Too!: Hood vs. Evil.

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Let’s cut to the chase here shall we? Fast Five is a stupid, overly long, and poorly written movie with moronic dialogue, plot contrivances big enough to fit both of the bald giants above through, and a complete disregard for right, wrong, and the sanctity of human life. More on all of that in a minute, but the other half of this equation is that it also features some kick-ass, high energy, destructive-as-hell action scenes that rattle the walls of the theater and happily remind you that there are still filmmakers capable of crafting spectacular cinematic mayhem without relying on CGI to do all the heavy lifting. So you can see my dilemma…

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According to Deadline Crystal Peak, Arnold Schwarzenegger has teamed up with Fast Five director Justin Lin to try to sell a new Terminator film with Schwarzenegger starring. The problems here are obvious. Why would the machines create a T-851 that looks like it’s made out of Metamucil and beaten down by years of steroid use? Can Arnold still carry an action film, and if so, how much airbrushing will it take? My guess is that the story will revolve around the machines sending a new T-model (Model T? I just got that) to a retirement community where John Connor’s great-grandmother (who gives him the piece of advice that, years later, gives him the courage and wisdom to lead the resistance) plays canasta every Wednesday. The cyborg is about to easily dispatch the old woman, but she wins him over by offering him a Werther’s Original. The staff mistakes him for a resident, and he begins puttering around the community, making friends and learning valuable life lessons. Sadly, he’s destroyed when the old folks realize he’s a machine, and they irrevocably damage him while trying to open an email attachment. I’d go see it. Thanks, Schwarzenegger and Lin! But seriously, isn’t Jeremy Renner available?

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What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

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I would love nothing more than to simply print the title above and allow you all to giggle like little school girls who just saw a kid pee his pants in 3rd period English, but there’s more to the story.

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With Neil at Sundance, I decide to take my own personal trip by remembering a Sundance film from a few years back that deserves more recognition.

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highlander-header

We keep an eye on remakes in development so you don’t have to, and there are a lot of them. You might be a major fan of this latest victim of the re-creation machine, but try not to lose your head over it.

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Vin Diesel in Fast and Furious

The folks at Universal Pictures have released two new featurettes for their newly release actioner Fast & Furious — and get this, they are faced pace rollercoaster rides of emotion.

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FSR

Kevin Carr reviews this week’s new movies: Fast & Furious, Adventureland and Gigantic.

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The first trailer for the upcoming fourth film in the Fast and Furious franchise has hit the web. Our first reaction: Not bad. Check it out for yourself inside.

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Fast and Furious

It has become clear that Hollywood did not, in fact, resolve over this past New Year to seek out more projects that were not sequels or remakes.

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