Jurassic Park 3

commentary-jurassicpark3

Even though there’s pretty much no information about the upcoming Jurassic Park 4 film that was announced earlier this week, you’ll find plenty of speculation and discussion about it on the interwebs. So why not jump on that bandwagon and dissect the famous dinosaur movies? Yeah, we’d all like to go back to the original Jurassic Park for this Commentary Commentary, but sadly, Spielberg hasn’t sat down to record his thoughts on that or the sequel. That means we’re left with Jurassic Park 3. The plus side is that we get Stan Winston’s take on the whole thing as he is joined by other members of the film’s special effects team. And on to the commentary…

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The Junkies: The Awards to End All Awards

When we at Junkfood Cinema heard that we had somehow again avoided outright cancellation, clearly an oversight on the part of hectically busy and woefully unobservant management, we decided to celebrate with another installment of the Junkfood Cinema Awards, affectionately known (read “irresponsibly abbreviated”) as The Junkies. Since this was our sophomore effort, we really wanted to flaunt our year-long incompetence with plenty of pomp and circumstance. We therefore hired a big time Hollywood director, one who had similarly proven his commitment to terrible films, to produce a garish, way-too-expensive, online awards ceremony. But then we had to fire him over some incredibly unsavory comments he made; something about rehearsals being for fatties. So instead, we’re just going to do the exact same crap we did last year. Enjoy.

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Long-desired and well-rumored, the release of the Jurassic Park trilogy on Blu-ray has been high on the list of cinephiles since the war between HD-DVD and Blu-ray ended some years ago. Of all the great spectacles of the modern effects era, none have been quite as grand as when Steven Spielberg brought dinosaurs back to life. It could be one of the most anticipated Blu-ray sets we’ll ever see. It’s that fact that makes today’s announcement even more exciting: Universal Studios Home Entertainment has released the list of special features that will be included in the October 25, 2011 release. And at first glance, it looks like it’s going to be a larger-than-life experience. See for yourself after the jump.

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Junkfood Cinema

Bienvenu, mes amis, to Junk Food Cinema, which has a certain, as the French say, “ordure.” Our beloved Brian will be back next week, when he returns from his vacation ghostbusting. Until then, you can pin the blame for your eyeball blisters on me, Mrs. Junkfood-Cinema. I’ll be piloting this trash barge over the choppy waters of murky, questionable cinema, picking our precarious way through the flotsam and jetsam of a capsized wreck of a film. But just when you start to panic and look for the life vests (there are only 2. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!), we arrive at the golden shores of redemption. I throw out beach towels so we can all bask in the warm glow of this film’s not-so-crappy side. And like any good day at the beach, I brought snacks. Unhealthy snacks. This week…well, this week, allow me to set the stage: Ahh, it’s a good day to be white off the coast of Isla Sorna. But what is this? CG fog? Bad green screen? What’s happening?! This isn’t the Jurassic Park Crichton envisioned, painstakingly researched, and that had audiences everywhere scared to ride in Jeeps for months afterword. This isn’t even the Jurassic Park 2 Crichton begrudgingly churned out and to whose script he turned a tactful blind eye. This is the notorious, superfluous, suck-o-saurus: Jurassic Park 3. JFC JP3. The point is,  you’re alive when JFC starts to eat you. So, you know…try to show a little respect.

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threequellessonheader

Dr. Cole Abaius does an in-depth study of some of the worst threequels in order to divine some fantastic filmmaking lessons. What elements of filmmaking should be avoided at all cost and which are only mildly toxic? Find out inside. But bring a barf bag.

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flickchart

Have a few spare hours during the day? Like, say, 20? Excellent. Get ready to lose your job and your loved ones as you quickly becoming addicted to using Flickchart.

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