Junkfood Horror

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; the only thing tricky about our treats is getting to them before we do. This is the scariest movie column on the internet. It combines the horror of watching terrible movies with every child’s worst nightmare: heart disease. Every witch-filled week we are haunted by...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we cook Pop Tarts in the VCR. This is the weekly internet movie column that John Carpenter recently heralded as “something I’ve [totally] heard of.” Each week we bring you a horrifically bad movie, forcing you to topple with us into the void, careening like...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; our bubblegum is teeming with spider eggs. Legend tells of a bad movie column that resides in the darkest, stormiest parts of the internet. They say on this very day many years ago, a bad movie was murdered in this column. It was mocked mercilessly...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; the only thing we haunt is casino breakfast buffets. You’ve arrived at the most unsettling of bad movie columns on the perfidious den of wickedness known as the interwebs. Every week we present for your viewing displeasure a particularly ghastly piece of cinematic schlock unearthed...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we told you not to go out tonight. You have entered the unholy realm of one of the internet’s most horrifying creations…well, most horrifying creations that don’t involve the sharing of bodily fluids in one fashion or another. Every week during this glorious month I...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; arson is only acceptable against houses that give out pennies on Halloween. We have emerged from our coffins yet again to bring you the dankest, dingiest, most malodorous horror films we can scrape from our blood-stained basements. We will cut into the flesh of these...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we’re so metal we can’t get through airport security. Every week during the month of October we will be showcasing the shockingly schlocky, the horrifyingly horrible, and the most terrifyingly terrible horror films we can get our claws on. We will drive a lampooning stake...

  • Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; now incapable of discerning tricks from treats. In case you’ve been binge drinking for the last week and chucked your wall calendar, cell phone, and computer–in which case how are you reading this–onto the lawn in a fit of rage, October has arrived. As such,...