John Rambo

Just as the fears of global cataclysm at the end of the last century fueled films like Deep Impact and Armageddon, the ticking clock to December 21, 2012 has led to more end-of-the-world movies that rely on something larger than a zombie outbreak or a deadly contagion (although those have been recently popular as well). The latest entry into Hollywood’s obsession with the Earth’s last days is the apocalyptic rom-com Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, and if the Mayans were right, that might very well be the last one made. Film School Rejects responds to your concerns about the end of the world, as evidenced by the Apocalypse Soon feature currently running on this site. While you’re catching up on these films to see before the end of the world, we wondered who would be the best people to spend that time with. Steve Carell’s character gets to spend the end of the world with Keira Knightley, and here are some cinematic characters with whom we’d like to spend our last days.

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It’s been a pretty hard life for John Rambo ever since he signed up to go overseas and serve his country in Vietnam. He was turned into an expert in guerrilla warfare. Made the best with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. He was trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land. To eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel, to kill, period. Win by attrition. And after a rough patch where the guy just couldn’t adjust to life after Nam, we sent him back there to slaughter hundreds more and get our POWs. Then we sent him to Afghanistan, where he killed about a thousand more people. I thought that was it for the guy, but then he ended up having to do the same in Burma. Isn’t it about time we let this guy live out his final years in peace? No. You just don’t turn it off. There’s a segment of the population out there who think that First Blood is a decent movie, but the subsequent Rambo sequels are cheesy and exploitative and lame. Those people are ridiculous. The Rambo sequels are cheesy and exploitative and awesome. Even 2008’s Rambo, where we get Rambo as an old man, is completely amazing. He tears out throats with his bare hand and explodes guys by hitting them with close range high caliber machine gun fire. What more do you want? Well, I […]

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I remember joking with my friends in grade school, saying that we’d see ‘Rocky 12′ and Sylvester Stallone would be using a walker in the ring. Well it seems that my friends and I might not be too far off.

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Rambo

Let’s fuel the fire of more geriatric fire power…

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John Rambo

It appears that everyone has a different opinion about ‘Rambo’ — most critics hated it and most fans loved it. So what do you think?

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Finally, an R-rated action flick that fucking rocks.

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With some hard work and good diet advice, you too can get ripped to the point of being able to take vengeance against Vietnam, win the Afghanistan War against the Soviets, and stop genocide.

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When you’re pushed… giving an “F” is as easy as breathing.

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It is with great dismay we read that Sylvesters Stallone’s contemporary, thoughtful war drama (subtle and cuttingly sarcastic raised eyebrow must be imagined) Rambo will not be screened to the press.

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John Rambo. Rambo: To Hell and Back. Rambo IV: Holy War. Who gives a shit? Just give it a damn name, make a poster, drop a full length trailer in glorious quicktime and release the film. No one really cares what the film is going to be called, just that it involves gratuitous blood and violence. For that matter you could call it Rambo IV: Fluffy Bunnies Attack and we would still go see it.

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