Jennifer Lopez

Justin Timberlake Omeletteville

We’ve all probably contemplated a career change at some points in our lives. But at the same time, we also probably didn’t (most of us, I don’t know about you) start out as multi-award winning pop stars beloved by millions for our singing and dancing. Proving that even the richest and most famous get bored or at least hear from an agent or two that they’re something special, many a pop sensation get the itch sometime down the road to give acting a shot. Whether or not they’re successful, well, that’s up for us to sit through and ultimately decide. For every On The Line, there’s an Oscar-winning performance in Moonstruck that somehow happens. Some people just have all the luck.

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Jennifer Lopez has accomplished a lot of things over the course of her career as an entertainer. She’s been a dancer, an actress, a recording artist, and even a reality TV personality. But a new report out of Variety is saying that she’s just taken a new job that’s now going to see her attempting to do the impossible: she’s going to have to try to seduce a hormone-filled teenage boy using little more than her world-renowned sex appeal and shapely figure. Truly, this is going to be her most challenging endeavor to date. The seduction is all set to take place in a low-budget thriller called The Boy Next Door, which is being put together by successful horror producer Jason Blum (Paranormal Activity, The Purge), and which reportedly has Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious, Alex Cross) in negotiations to direct.

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lopez

What is Casting Couch? It’s a safe place where you can read all the casting news you want without being afraid that anyone is going to judge you. Today we are happy to inform you that Hollywood has given new jobs to TV funnymen Donald Faison and Ryan Hansen. From judging reality shows on TV to recently co-starring with Jason Statham in Parker, it seems like Jennifer Lopez is slowly dipping her toes back into the world of celebrity. Probably it’s only a matter of time before we even have to start listening to “J-Lo” music on the radio again. Before you shudder at that notion though, let’s just focus on the movie world. THR is reporting that she’s just taken another role, this one in the dramatic retelling of the Chilean mining collapse of 2010, The 33. We already know that Antonio Banderas is starring in this one, and as an addendum to the news of Lopez’s casting also comes word that Martin Sheen and Rodrigo Santoro are on board as well. That’s only 29 to go.

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Parker Movie Jason Statham

Adapting material from one medium to another is never an easy proposition. Script to screen is perhaps the most dangerous transition of all as the phrase “the book was better” is so often a common sentiment. The waters are especially murky for an established character like Donald E. Westlake‘s Parker, the star of no less than 24 novels and a dozen or so mostly unofficial film appearances. Perhaps the most well-known is Mel Gibson’s Porter from the 1999 film Payback. Using a different novel as the source material, screenwriter John McLaughlin and director Taylor Hackford are bringing the Parker character back to the big screen this weekend in the aptly, if simply, titled Parker. Adapted from “Flashfire,” one of the more recent Parker novels, Parker sees our titular antihero (played by Jason Statham) teaming up with four other guys to rob the Ohio State Fair. Things go south after they make good their escape only to spring the news that they’re using the take as seed money on a bigger score. Parker, of course, just wants to walk away with his share like they agreed on. After a heated disagreement in a Surburban, the four send the weakest guy to shoot Parker. Thinking him dead, they move on to planning their big job in Palm Beach. Injured but not dead, Parker sets out to hunt the four men down and settle the score.

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Parker Trailer Jason Statham

Jason Statham has made so many movies where he plays a gun-shooting, high-kicking criminal who lives by a strict moral code that the Jason Statham Movie has become a genre unto itself. Generally all of these movies have forgettable one word titles, like Crank, Safe, or Blitz, but that doesn’t end up mattering much, because you can just tell people that you’re going to see the new Jason Statham Movie, and they’ll know what you’re talking about. Jason Statham Movies generally have another thing in common, as well. They feature Jason Statham’s gruff charisma and high-impact fight scenes as their star, and offer up little else. Things like storytelling or supporting talent don’t really matter when you know that you can trot Statham out a couple times a year, have him go through the motions, and still turn a profit. Parker looks like it’s going to be a Jason Statham Movie with a couple more tricks up its sleeve, though. Instead of relying on the star power of Statham alone, director Taylor Hackford’s new film teams him up with big names like Jennifer Lopez, Michael Chiklis, and Nick Nolte (and Bunk from The Wire!). The results are impressive at first glance, with Statham obviously having immediate chemistry with Lopez especially.

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Pregnancy and childbirth are nothing new. In fact, there are few things less new than humans reproducing. It’s been done before. But Kirk Jones’ What to Expect When You’re Expecting accurately captures the inherent selfishness of expecting parents,and their individual “journeys” to the delivery room (and beyond). Unfortunately, even when gifted with a large, mostly eager cast, Jones is also saddled with a script from Shauna Cross and Heather Hach (working off of Heidi Murkoff‘s guidebook of the same name) that is deeply uninterested in providing much variety in their work. The effect is simple one – the film itself is deeply uninteresting. While What to Expect continually reminds its viewers that pregnancy and childbirth are miracles, unique and thrilling gifts, Cross and Hach have concocted one of the most bland, basic, and unadventurous scripts in recent memory.

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There’s something great about the female-centric advertising coming out of a generic comedy based on an advice book for mothers about to deliver a bun fresh from the oven. The marketing team has faith in the women, and Lionsgate has faith in a woman-driven adult comedy. It’s clearly propelled by the success of Bridesmaids, but the more perverse secondary effect that that raucous comedy had on the studio math world is that crass women now equal box office gold. And thus, the posters for What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Again, it’s great to see women used so overtly for marketing without oversexualizing them (or, using their image months after their being sexualized?), but shoving bad lines with buzzwords in them reeks of desperation to appear edgy without actually having to be edgy. They won’t set back the women’s movement or anything, but they’re at least 10% heinous. Check them out for yourself:

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According to Deadline Word on the Street, Walden Media has bought the rights to produce a movie version of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, the game that got me through my childhood. They will be teaming with Jennifer Lopez‘s Nuyorican Productions, and the real mystery is whether she’ll simply produce, or whether she’ll don the giant red fedora to star as well. On the other hand, an entire movie spent searching for Sandiego would mean the possibility of very little screen-time for Sandiego, so who knows what role she might actually take if starring. The synopsis is apparently as follows: “When the ACME agency’s greatest detective Carmen Sandiego becomes the world’s greatest thief, it’s up to her former partner to follow her clues and track her down. Their cat-and-mouse game leads the partner to confront a greater mystery: Is Carmen really a thief or a hero?” Sound exactly like Salt. If done right, the movie should strike a family friendly tone that manages to teach a little bit of geography without being obviously a learning tool. It should also involve Rockapella somehow (as the television game show did), or else be doomed to abject and complete failure. Of course, all of this should be taken with the same skepticism as a sandwich being sold by Sam O’Nella. After all, we’ve been waiting on that Where’s Waldo? movie since it was announced back in the Summer of ’09 – which is also the first time I called seriously for […]

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If you think that making a Space Invaders movie is the most desperate attempt Hollywood has made to tie a new film to a pre-existing property lately, you might have need to think again. Making headlines in the film world recently has been the upcoming movie What to Expect When You’re Expecting, which is a feature film adaptation of a pregnancy manual by Heidi Murkoff. So many actresses have been announced for this thing, one at a time, that it’s starting to reach Hunger Games levels of casting announcement fatigue. Perhaps appropriately enough, their latest addition to the cast is an actress who will be appearing in The Hunger Games as well. Elizabeth Banks is said to be joining the film as a first time mother who has already built an empire writing books about her breast-feeding methods. There is some indication that despite her so-called expertise, the experience of actually having a child herself is one that she’s not ready for. Banks will be joining a cast that already includes Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Brooklyn Decker, and Anna Kendrick. The film is being directed by Waking Ned Devine’s Kirk Jones, from a script originally by Heather Hach and re-written by Shauna Cross. I can’t say that this is one that I’m looking forward to, but the inclusion of quality actresses like Banks and Kendrick is starting to make it look like it could have some potential. We shall see. [Coming Soon]

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Nice work America, you really did it this time. This was the season that everybody was finally supposed to stop watching American Idol. This was the season they were coming back without all of their signature judges, surely a death knell for any long running television show. But instead of abandoning a sinking ship, you people kept watching the show in bigger numbers than ever, and now there’s renewed interest in the career of replacement judge Jennifer Lopez. I’m not saying that I have anything against Jennifer Lopez. She’s probably a nice enough rich person, and I respect the size and shape of her butt, but I was pretty content living in a world where she didn’t star in lame romantic comedies anymore, and those days appear to soon be over. Reports are that Lopez is in negotiations to appear in two films. The first is the Jason Statham starring action film Parker, which has been previously reported as being directed by Taylor Hackford and adapted from the written works of Richard Stark. Parker is a literary character who has been brought to the big screen before, most notably as played by Mel Gibson in Payback and Lee Marvin in Point Blank. If Lopez signed on to the film she would be playing the girl. I can’t imagine there’s much more to it than that.

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kevin-reportcard-header

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr dives into Oceans, becomes one of The Losers and fomulates a Back-Up Plan

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Fat Guys at the Movies

Kevin and Neil connect in the Magical Studio in the Sky after a long week of movie-watching. Like the wusses at Comedy Central, the Fat Guys refuse to show a depiction of the Prophet Muhammed. So there.

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We haven’t seen J-Lo on the big screen in over four years. Is this her grand return to form, or is this one a good movie?

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What Happened to Kate Hudson

There are certain questions in life one puzzles over furiously. Today, we examine a tricky one by asking what the hell happened to Kate Hudson’s career? Cinema Sleuth is on the case.

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Baby Pictures for Sale!

For once, I’m not here to bury celebrities, but to praise them. (And yes, that was a Shakespeare reference, punks!)

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Pay Me Money to See his Unborn Son!

Since when has it been considered in good taste – or even mildly acceptable – to whore your kids out at such an early age? This goes beyond crazy stage moms and JonBenet Ramsey’s freakishly inappropriate beauty pageants.

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published: 04.16.2014
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published: 04.14.2014
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published: 04.14.2014
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published: 04.14.2014
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