Jalmari Helander

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A few years ago, director Jalmari Helander made a movie called Rare Exports where thousands of Santas got naked and ran through the frozen tundra while chasing after a young boy. It was a special moment, and he followed it by announcing a future project that he described as Home Alone meets Rambo. It’s been a long time since that announcement, but it’s possible that we’re finally going to see it. According to Deadline Hollywood, we’ll at the very least get to see a new Helander movie — whether or not it involves Kevin McAllister carrying around a semi-automatic and a grudge remains to be seen. The new project is called Big Game, and it’ll focus on a young boy sent to the woods to prove himself on the same evening that Air Force One is shot down nearby. The kid finds the president (Samuel L. Jackson (no kidding)), so they naturally pair up to battle bad guys. Hopefully with paint buckets and broken Christmas tree ornaments. This sounds like it could be Home Alone meets Rambo, right? Young child, guns, forest setting, likely bandana use. It makes sense, but even if this isn’t the same concept Helander was developing back in 2010, it still sounds ridiculous enough to work.

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Why Watch? How else do you think they get the Santa to your local mall? For fans of Rare Exports, this is a special short film treat. For those who haven’t yet fallen in love with the Finnish flick from Jalmari Helander about the accidental awakening of an ancient demon named Santa Claus, here’s a great introduction. Fair warning though, there’s some old man penis involved. Plus, it’s a beautifully shot commercial for a company based in the land of the original Father Christmas. Order yours today, and have a hell of a holiday. What does it cost? Just 7 minutes of your time. Trust us. You have time for more short films.

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Take a moment to think about Santa Claus. Chances are that you’re thinking of a jolly, fat white dude with a big beard and red tights, being hauled around by 12 overworked, miraculous reindeer, hurling through the night from house to house to deliver magical consumerism to the masses. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Unless you are Finnish filmmaker Jalmari Helander. His idea for Santa, steeped in some folklore, is far more dangerous, violent and worth burying underneath a mountain if you have such resources. It was a vision come to life in his film Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, perhaps one of the most brilliant yuletide ho-ho-horror movies since the original St. Nick was putting coins in the shoes of unsuspecting children. And if that description wasn’t enough, we’ve also got some exclusive original artwork created for the film. I’ve included it as large as our layout will allow, so as to maximize the creep factor.

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The order of the movies being crammed together here is important. For the record, it’s not Rambo meets Home Alone where a former soldier is forced to hole up in a house while tossing paint buckets at people (which sort of just sounds like Home Alone). It’s the other way around – meaning that the movie will be rated V for violent since the MPAA is getting really specific these days. Jalmari Helander, the director of Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, recently revealed in an interview that he’s in the writing phase of his next project, described it by mashing those two movie titles together, and instantly excited anyone who loves small children shooting machine guns. So, that’s everyone, right? [Total Film]

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Editor’s Note: This review first ran as part of our Fantastic Fest 2010 coverage, but Rare Exports sees a limited release this weekend, so we so it fit to re-run it for those interested. As we all know, Santa Claus is not to be trusted. He sneaks into our homes in the middle of the night, and doles out punishment for those who have been naughty during the year. If you’ve been nice, he leaves a gift as a symbolis reminder that he’ll be back, and he’ll be watching. Rare Exports takes a look at the darker side of the Santa Claus myth (which is totally real if you’re younger than 8 years old) by displaying the frightening origins of a magic man who steals bad children. After all, Claus is a type of boogeyman. He’s a figure talked about around the campfire to spook children into behaving. He’s a lot like Keyser Soze. We seem to have forgotten that in America (what with all the Tim Allen movies we can stand), but thankfully it’s something they haven’t forgotten in Finland.

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