Jackass 3D

The internet may collapse under the sheer weight of my rage, thanks to the major internet provider who continues to give me crap service and charge me handsomely for it each and every month, but that won’t stop us from doing the news this evening. Not when Stephen Sommers, Johnny Knoxville, Edgar Wright and Chinese Bigfoot are all making headlines on the same day! Lets get right to it, dear readers. You know you want to…

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The Reject Report

Just as expected, DreamWorks Animation proved once again they are a force to be reckoned with in the world of animated feature films. Their latest outing, Megamind, led the charge this weekend, the largest opening weekend to the Fall movie season in box office history. When compared to other films in the DreamWorks Animation camp, Megamind topped the openings of such massive successes as the first Shrek, Madagascar, and How to Train Your Dragon. When also comparing these opening numbers, it seems a fairly safe bet that Megamind will both end up topping out around $200 million domestic and garner a sequel in the coming years.

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The Reject Report

As Admiral Ackbar so phlegmingly exclaimed, “It’s a trap!” You sit down in your seat at the movie theater to see the latest (last?) Saw film, you put on your 3D glasses, this triggers a wire to pull which drops a marble down a shoot which knocks over a pin which falls onto a switch which turns some gears which opens a doorway which allows a bowling ball to roll out which bumps into and starts a lawn mower which blows up and pops a balloon which causes a chicken to lay an egg which turns some more gears which opens Mikey’s front gate which turns some levers which opens a trap door which drops millions upon millions of dollars into Lionsgate’s pockets. That’s how that works. At least, I think it’s how it works. Maybe I shouldn’t be covering box office reports.

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Culture Warrior

The categories of responses from critics with the release of yet another Jackass film and in the face of its massive, record-breaking box office intake have been to dismiss it entirely, make some hyperbolic rant about the fall of Western civilization, or celebrate Jackass 3-D not as a movie, but as a social ritual — or, perhaps more accurately, as an anti-social ritual. Consider me in the latter camp. Jackass doesn’t only take the role of social ritual in terms of being popular entertainment; it isn’t merely the most transparent of gimmicks (as the 3-D makes clear) or the most unapologetic brand of cinema in the long-prevailing, prevailingly false idea of cinema-as-escapism-and-nothing-else. The function of Jackass is instead to provide what has been long-standing need within Western cultures: the need of a temporary and safe space in which to transcend and reject social hierarchies and order, a space in which to revel in unacceptable behavior.

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The Reject Report

Two weekends in a row. Two cultural phenomena (as well as entries into a highly successful franchise) exploding into theaters. After Jackass 3-D broke October records last weekend, you might have thought movie goers would take a break, kick back as the weather gets cooler, and maybe carve out a jack-o-lantern. Nonsense, says the pool cleaner-hating demon! Get those people into theaters and let them feel the terror all for themselves. That’s precisely what millions upon millions of people did this weekend, as Paranormal Activity 2 opened to the fifth highest October opening in history. It now also holds the highest October opening for a horror film, beating out the $39.1 million The Grudge opened to in 2004. With a budget of only $3 million, you can be certain Paramount will be green lighting Paranormal Activity 3 in a matter of minutes.

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The Reject Report

The found footage demons have returned to the big screen, but they’re gonna have some poo jokes and 3-D beehive tether balls to contend with at the box office this weekend. The sequel to 2009’s surprise hit, Paranormal Activity, hits this weekend, but it’s placement at the top of the charts is not a forgone conclusion. A little film called Jackass 3-D is still riding strong in the wake of its record breaking weekend. Which of these “documentary” titles will end up on top? We’re not 100% sure, but, if we were the demon, we’d be watching out for flying feces.

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If you are rabid fan of the disgusting, this was your weekend. Jackass 3D hit theaters and took depravity to a whole new dimension. Already flirting with box office records, albeit in extremely specific categories, it’s hard to deny Jackass 3D is a hit. As much as I want to denounce all the lowbrow shenanigans, Jackass came onto the scene at the perfect time to wedge a silly little place in my heart. The show and the first movie came out when I was in high school; the second movie when I was in college. Though my tastes may have evolved since then, I wasn’t surprised to find 10 things I liked about Jackass 3D, and only 5 things I didn’t

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The Reject Report

Holy bungee jumping outhouse, Batman. $50 million can buy a lot of stitches for the painful stunts and soap for the gross ones. That’s how much money Jackass 3-D made this weekend, a new record for any October opening. We knew it was going to be big, and there was all likelihood it would end up coming out on top this weekend. However, now, in 2010, a decade after the original show premiered on MTV, the Jackass boys are riding stronger than ever. This could say so much about our nation. Do we like watching people humiliate, hurt, and horrify themselves for 90 minutes? Or is Jackass 3-D a welcomed release, the ultimate form of escapism that only comes our way every four years? This raises another question. Would the Jackass films be this successful if they were to come fast and furious like the Saw or Twilight series? Does that four-year gap between Jackass films help build the excitement for the next all the more, or does the gap stifle the sating of a public that would feast on it 24/7 if offered to them? The underlying, real-world implications and what this says about our culture (along with how this makes other countries view us) aren’t my forte. I’ll leave that to Landon. I’m just here to talk numbers, thank you.

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This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr makes a complete and total jackass of himself by enjoying the hell out of Red and being more excited than he should about the prospects of Jackass 3D. He realizes that it may be the beginning of award season, but that won’t stop him from watching a movie about bodily fluids flying at the camera in 3D and getting mildly turned on by Helen Mirren firing a Gatling gun while wearing an evening gown.

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It’s not every day you can make the claim that something has just revolutionized the film industry. It’s also not every day that you see liquid shit fire out of a man’s ass like a volcano, gushing three feet into air before splattering down onto that man’s own buttocks in three dimensions. Well, unless you’re a member of the Jackass crew, because then stuff like that is pretty much a day to day activity. In theaters October 15th, Jackass 3D is the… well, not exactly third installment, considering Number Two was overflowing with enough stunts to create Jackass 2.5. So technically I guess this is the fourth film and it is without a doubt the best looking of all of them. That’s what you get when you use Phantom 3D cameras, which are capable of capturing amazing slow-motion, three dimensional footage, and have a price-tag that involves six digits. So what happens when you give equipment like that to guys like these? Well, they throw up on them, of course.

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The Reject Report

This week we are presented with a film that’s vile, disgusting, depraved, and whatever other hyperbolic keywords that might induce gagging throughout the audience. But, if you’re not someone who finds old people firing machine guns as disturbing or cringe-inducing as I do, then you also have the choice of watching the palette-cleansing melodrama of Jackass 3-D. It’s a horror-less weekend here just a few weeks out of Halloween, but it’s also looking to be the biggest weekend of the month.

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We realize that you’re probably sitting at home right now, chewing your own nails off and wondering what movies are coming out this month. Maybe you’re even wondering why no one on the entire internet has said anything about them by now. Strange, we know. Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of September searching EBSCO Host, making phone calls to important producers and making fan trailers out of peanut butter and marshmallows to make sure that you, dear reader, are in the know about what’s coming out in October. Wondering why it’s a few days late? Because we don’t run it until it’s perfect. Or something. Anyway, just check out the movies to see what you wanna see.

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“3D is the future of movies. But this probably isn’t what they had in mind.” That’s the line used by the marketeers at Paramount Pictures in their promotion of Jackass 3D, perhaps the most boldly ridiculous and crass application of the technology to date. It also feels pretty accurate when you watch this first trailer, which hit the web this evening. Johnny Knoxville, that guy with the very attractive wife, that little dude and their gang of idiots are back. And I have to give them some credit — the 92 seconds of footage from Jackass 3D may be the funniest stuff I’ve ever seen from them. That’s not hyperbole, it’s reality. I’ve long been in the “that stuff just isn’t funny” camp. Yet for some reason, on this night of nights, it had me chuckling mightily. With that in mind, please enjoy the trailer after the jump.

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jackass-header

Somehow, we knew it was coming. With the ever-growing need to make everything and anything a 3D movie event, Hollywood is finally (and I use that lightly) taking things too far.

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published: 12.23.2014
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published: 12.22.2014
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published: 12.19.2014
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