Independence Day

Junkfood Cinema

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we will not go quietly into the night. You are about to read one of the worst internet columns in the history of mankind. No longer consumed by our petty need for legitimately good films, we here at Junkfood Cinema are united by our common interest in the utterly schlocky. First we will examine how the chosen film has earned its freedom from the tyranny of nuance and the oppression of critical measures of quality. We will then triumphantly raise our voices to proclaim what it is about the film that allows it to survive total annihilation and win not only the day, but our hearts as well. Finally, we will pair the film with an appropriately themed snack food item in order to prove that our waistlines will not vanish without a fight. Today we celebrate Roland Emmerich’s Independence Day!

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Like many of my fellow Americans, on July 4th I succumbed to the obvious film choice and reinvested my time into Independence Day, which luckily never spawned a successful franchise – after all, what do you call the fourth movie when you called the first ID4? Now, back in 1996 this movie was awesome. In 2009, not so much. But in 2010, under just the right circumstances, I found it enjoyable once more. Save for one thing – the alien technology. Or, more accurately, the way it was designed.

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This weekend while vampires, werewolves and martial artists invade the multiplex, the whole country will be celebrating Independence Day. And one of the big traditions on the Fourth of July is to drink copious amounts of alcohol. So while the teenage girls are overrunning the theaters, why not rent a patriotic movie – like a good old fashioned war movie – and celebrate our independence in style.

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From where I’m sitting, this internet meme of throwing together the same quote one hundred times in a single clip began with Sawyer (Josh Holloway) from Lost and his catch-phrase, “son of a bitch.” Now it’s branching out into cross-platform, cross-property clip mashing for phrases that permeate entire genres.

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This week, on a very special episode of Reject Radio, we avoid getting hit by a volcano. By. That. Much.

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ID4-Ever

Instead of plugging in other disaster movies into the formula, Roland Emmerich is finally being blunt about his desperate need to make more ID4.

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transformers-2-optimus-prime

Does it matter that Transformers 2 is probably this summer’s worst movie? Sadly, no. It’s little more than crassly commercialized cinematic excess, but still some viewers and reviewers have latched blindly on to Bay’s teats as if they expect awesome-flavored milk to start splashing against their tongue. And yes, I am talking about all of FSR’s head honchos…

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explosionsheaderhurtlockertransformers

That is a bold assertion, but you know what they say about assertions – shut up and watch things go BOOM. Now with video!

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John McCain and Barack Obama

We know that the Election Night coverage can be a bit monotonous, but while you’re waiting for the results to trickle down, you might as well watch a couple movies.

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Flag and Fireworks

Even though celebrating Independence Day excites us more than Christmas, we get even more excited when we watch films that remind us of the land that we love.

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published: 12.17.2014
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published: 12.15.2014
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published: 12.12.2014
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published: 12.05.2014
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