Ian Ziering

Sharknado

I wonder what kind of movie will have to show up on a crowdfunding site for the whole world to just give up. Not just give up on the crowdfunding concept, but give up on life, on everything. We got over the Veronica Mars and the Zach Braff and the Spike Lee, but how about this now: Sharknado 2: The Second One is raising money from its poor fans. Don’t worry if you’re one of them; the NYC-set movie is still set to debut on SyFy on July 30th for your snark-Tweeting amusement. It’s not looking to build its budget or anything. It just needs an extra $50K for a single extra secret scene, one we’re only told involves chainsaws. Let me guess: they want to top the first movie’s chainsaw scene. This time will both Ian Ziering and Tara Reid be engulfed and then buzz their way out? The only thing that might really be better is if this time the shark is wielding the chainsaw and he enters and then cuts open a human. A really fat human, I suppose. That’s the best they could do to make me watch, the one scene anyway, but I wouldn’t pay a cent in order to see that. I mean, other than sit through the commercials that are there to pay for SyFy’s programming, which I pay for in the form of my suffering.

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sharknadotruth-2

Sharknado has been taking the world by storm (well, less of a storm and more of a tornado full of hungry sea life), and the surprise cult hit is showing no signs of stopping. Those who feel that the small screen can’t truly capture the majesty that is Sharknado have had their prayers answered: for one night only (that night being August 2), the film will play midnight shows at approximately 200 Regal Cinemas across the United States. As goofy as it sounds, Sharknado does seem like the right film to see on a late night in a crowded theater, and its one-night-only status all but ensures that those theaters will be plenty crowded. Chris Sylvia, director of digital marketing for Regal Entertainment Group, had this to say: “You know how audiences have had fun with Rocky Horror Picture Show over the years. If the internet reactions to this film are any indication, then our moviegoers are primed and ready to enjoy Sharknado larger than life in cinemas. Regal is proud to be giving our guests this chance to fuel the social media whirlwind by inviting friends to come to the show and tweeting reactions.”

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sharknadotruth-2

Last week, the world reeled at the thought of a powerful hurricane creating freak tornadoes that would scoop up dozens of man-eating sharks and deposit them onto dry land. The idea of a sharknado probably never occurred to anyone outside of the production offices of The Asylum, until the Syfy Original Movie Sharknado hit the air on July 11th. The movie tells the (possibly) unlikely story of a global-warming-fueled hurricane that strikes the coast of Southern California. This unprecedented hurricane spawns a line of tornadoes that fling sharks across Los Angeles, and the only people who can stop them are Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. Were this real life, we’d be screwed. (Pinning humanity’s hope on drop outs from Beverly Hills 90210 and the American Pie franchise has almost never worked out.) However, that got us thinking: should we be worried about a Sharknado really happening? Shouldn’t we be planning for its imminent arrival?

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sharknado

Sometimes you never knew you needed something until it comes along, and once you finally get it, you’re not sure how you’ll be able to live without it ever again. The concept of a “sharknado” is exactly this sort of thing. Sure, we’ve been watching movies that didn’t feature tornadoes full of sharks for over a century now, and for most of that time they’ve felt fairly satisfying, but now that the SyFy channel is bringing us their Ian Ziering and Tara Reid-starring original, Sharknado, it’s hard to imagine how we’ll ever be able to sit through a movie that doesn’t feature a tornado full of sharks ever again. Click through to watch the new “almost red band” trailer for the film, which features more low rent CGI, washed up actors (and John Heard, poor John Heard), and shark deaths than you can shake a stick at, and which SyFy seems to think might just be “too violent for TV.”

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Sharknadoposterpart

With The Lone Ranger confirmed as one of the biggest bombs in an altogether underwhelming summer at the movies, it’s the perfect time for Sharknado to rear its ridiculous head and draw in millions. It won’t be in theaters, though, only on the SyFy Channel (and soon enough home video). Directed by Antonio C. Ferrante (SyFy’s recent version of Hansel & Gretel), Sharknado is one of those uber-high-concept SyFy originals that’s easily understood by its title alone (“enough said!” is its tagline, after all). But what is a sharknado? Well, it’s a massive “super tornado” that has sucked up tons of sharks from the ocean and is “hurling” them at Los Angeles. Humans played by Tara Reid, John Heard and Ian Ziering (playing a guy named “Fin,” no kidding) do something on the ground in order to add some sort of plot to the carnage. There’s no way Sharknado is going to be a quality movie, but that’s not it’s aim, and that’s part of what shall make it a refreshing alternative to this year’s blockbusters, many of which seem intended to be taken seriously in spite of how dumb they are (“legitimate” sci-fi flicks Star Trek Into Darkness, Oblivion and After Earth included). Viewers and critics, meanwhile, have been overthinking other tentpoles that shouldn’t be taken too seriously, like top grosses Man of Steel and Iron Man 3. Still, there is a weight given to these movies due to their caliber of production brands and price tags. Sharknado is […]

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Susan Sarandon

If you’ve been keeping track of Adam Sandler’s career (and in 2011, who hasn’t?), then you have probably already heard that he’s going to be playing Andy Samberg’s dad in the upcoming film I Hate You, Dad. This is an interesting proposition because Samberg is a young comedian who has utilized digital media to skyrocket his career into the stratosphere and Sandler is an aging funnyman who hasn’t done anything good in over a decade, yet still keeps making billions of dollars on name value alone. What will happen when the irresistible force meets the immovable object, funny or no funny?

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published: 04.16.2014
B-
published: 04.14.2014
B
published: 04.14.2014
A-
published: 04.14.2014
C

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