Heavy Metal

The Junkies: The Awards to End All Awards

When we at Junkfood Cinema heard that we had somehow again avoided outright cancellation, clearly an oversight on the part of hectically busy and woefully unobservant management, we decided to celebrate with another installment of the Junkfood Cinema Awards, affectionately known (read “irresponsibly abbreviated”) as The Junkies. Since this was our sophomore effort, we really wanted to flaunt our year-long incompetence with plenty of pomp and circumstance. We therefore hired a big time Hollywood director, one who had similarly proven his commitment to terrible films, to produce a garish, way-too-expensive, online awards ceremony. But then we had to fire him over some incredibly unsavory comments he made; something about rehearsals being for fatties. So instead, we’re just going to do the exact same crap we did last year. Enjoy.


Black Roses

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we’re so metal we can’t get through airport security. Every week during the month of October we will be showcasing the shockingly schlocky, the horrifyingly horrible, and the most terrifyingly terrible horror films we can get our claws on. We will drive a lampooning stake through the film’s heart and laugh maniacally as it takes longer to die than Paul Reubens in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But then, because we learned nothing from The Evil Dead, we will resurrect the film by reciting passages from the necronomicon of pure adoration. To complete the blood ritual, we will pair the film with a insidiously delicious snack food item in the hopes that we can create for you a completely interactive horror film experience by actually shortening your life. This Week’s Beast: Black Roses The basic story here, and I do mean basic, is that a very popular rock band called The Black Roses has decided to begin their world tour in Mill Basin, Ontario, Canada USA. The kids in town are all super psyched, but the parent groups seem to have their collective undergarments in various stages of entanglement. They feel that The Black Roses is a group that promotes evil and the corruption of youth. Eventually, the parents see the error of their ways and let the band play all four (?) of its consecutive shows. Turns out they were right because much evilness and corruptitude ensues.



Single tear at the dinner table. Flaming front flip into the pool. Donuts in the parking lot. Walking away from an explosion without looking back. A lot of people have already had the chance to see Hesher, but I haven’t, and just from the trailer, it looks like a version of Garden State that grew a pair, set fire to The Shins’ “Chutes too Narrow,” and learned to blast Metallica while stripping down to its tightie-whities. More words would only sully it. Check out the trailer for yourself:


Heavy Metal Free

Because we’re all too broke to go to the theater or afford gold-plated rental services, FSR is offering free movies every Monday for the month of September. If this title doesn’t strike your fancy, head to Crackle.com to see what else they have for your viewing pleasure. The selection is great, and even better – the price is right. If you haven’t seen Heavy Metal, there’s a solid chance that your brain is still in its original, unmolested state. That’s a shame. The flick is an animated joy ride in a stolen vehicle through a universe filled with glowing green orbs made of pure evil, irate cab drivers in Dystopian New Yorks, graphic alien sex, laser beams, large-breasted warrior maidens, brilliant O’Bannon tales, and the heavy sounds of Blue Oyster Cult, Devo, Black Sabbath, and Cheap Trick. It’s a veritable celebration of good old American know how and alien worlds. If you love it, you know you want to see it again. If you haven’t seen it, you owe it to yourself to stop reading my ramblings and go watch it.



One of heavy metals heavy hitters is going to get his own biopic that is destined to melt your face off.



This animated anthology film, which pays tribute to Heavy Metal magazine, consists of nine risque comedy, sci-fi, action, fantasy and horror stories. Each story is loosely connected to the others by a single ubervillain — a talking green orb called the Loc-Nar.



Everyone prepare to rise from the wasteland that you call your life and step into the glorious Promised Land of Reject Radio. It’s the first episode, and like any first time, there’s a little pinch, a nervous excitement, and you have trouble walking afterward. Was it good for you?



Keavin Eastman sits down with our very own Adam Sweeney to discuss sharing the Ninja Turtles with his own son, geek out a bit about Casey Jones, and gives us a stellar update about the Heavy Metal adaptation he’s producing.



What do you get when you take an awesome adult, science fiction fantasy comic and mix it liberally with James Cameron, David Fincher, Zack Snyder, Gore Verbinski, and Mark Osborne? A Heavy Metal movie that might actually kick ass.



Some drama has been stirring between Paramount Pictures and David Fincher, and “Heavy Metal” editor Kevin Eastman knows why. Props to The Playlist, who report that Paramount and Fincher, director of Se7en and Fight Club, have been butting heads over the running time of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. As the bout went on, Paramount decided to pull the plug on the Heavy Metal project, which Fincher was set to executive produce. The lovely people over at Slashfilm had their own opinion about the matter, stating “the official reason given was that Fincher’s version of the Heavy Metal project was too dark and sexy for the studio. But if one were to connect the dots, you see a connection to the supposed feud behind the scenes over the Ben Button running time.” Apparently their speculation was dead on, as video has surfaced featuring Kevin Eastman speaking with RGB Filter at Fan Expo 2008. Eastman makes it clear that Paramount was using Heavy Metal as leverage against Fincher’s demands on running time. “So they [Paramount} said, ‘Until you step up to do what we want you to do with Benjamin, we’re not going to greenlight any other of [your] movies,” Eastman explained. “And David said, “Fine, fuck you, I’m going to set up [Heavy Metal] somewhere else,” so we jumped over to Sony and set it up there.” Eastman also said the production will begin in fall, and that Fincher wants to direct one of the animated Heavy Metal episodes, […]

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published: 01.24.2015
published: 01.24.2015
published: 01.24.2015
published: 01.23.2015

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