Greedo

Boiling Point

If you’ve been fortunate enough to avoid this news until now, I’m sorry, it’s about to get shitty. George Lucas, in a move that surprises no one but angers anyone who’s ever seen Star Wars, has excessively tinkered with the movies in the saga, taking the beloved and dropping a pile of turds on it. It’s true Lucas has been wallowing in the sewage pool after tweaking the original movies in shitty ways (Greedo shoots first, Jabba looks like ass, etc) and making three bad movies to utterly destroy the awesome coolness that was Darth Vader and irreparably rupture the continuity of the franchise. Not content to stop there though, ol’ Georgie-poo has decided to add another notch to his bulbous neck by ignoring (mostly) fan outcry and amplifying the shit we already hate. Let’s break it down.

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Salutations from the seedy underworld of merch collecting, where myths are debunked, the fabrics of the finest secrets unfurled for discerning eyes, and the most glorious curios from lands far and exotic are offered as sacrifices to the Rejects’ lascivious hareem of readers. Well, not really, but that opening was far more poetic and sexy than the truth that I’m a slightly sad obsessive sitting in a Ghostbusters T-shirt and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajama pants trying to convince other grown adults to buy what essentially amount to toys… Anyway, as film nerds (those of us who accept and embrace the term), we live in a world whose chief currency is fantasy, so this week’s offerings to the Merch Hunter Tomb of Essentials are each taken from a franchise that has made an unquantifiably massive impact on escapist cinema-lovers like myself. Read on, shell out and embrace the inner merch-nerd…

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