gore

Jaws

Ah yes. It’s that time of the year, folks. The only month where it’s slightly less mean to jump out at a child while wearing a clown mask. The vandal’s holiday… cretin Christmas. It really is a special time for all of us horror movie fans. So let’s light some candles, get our favorite Misfits album out and start this party. They say that nothing can ever outdo the imagination – something that is most evident when it comes to terror and death. It’s not what you see that scares you – it’s what you don’t. It’s why we fear the dark. So while gore is great fun, it’s nothing compared to something merely implied.

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After 1995’s Sylvester Stallone-starring take on the “Judge Dredd” comic series shit the bed and offered film and comic geeks little more than a couple of ironic quotables from a pizza delivery guy played by Rob Schneider, it didn’t seem very likely that anyone would take a shot at revisiting the property anytime soon. Seventeen years must be the statute of limitations on this one though, because here we are in 2012, getting a promotional clip for a new Karl Urban-starring take on the material called Dredd. Having reservations about this film due to past failures in translating the character to live action is understandable, but it’s starting to look like it might not be justified. Dredd recently screened for audiences at Comic-Con, and the buzz coming out of the room was that this new take on the character is much more true to the original comics. Word on the street is that this is a gritty, gory, action-packed shoot ‘em up that has way more in common with the face-punchingly awesome The Raid: Redemption than it does any Sylvester Stallone failures.

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When the theatrical trailer was released for Paramount’s upcoming horror movie The Devil Inside, I responded to it by groaning and putting my face in my hands. There wasn’t anything in the footage that made this film look any different from the one million exorcism movies or the one thousand found footage horror movies that are already out there. Was this project really necessary? Well, the new red band trailer hints that though it might not be necessary, The Devil Inside might still be pretty fun. No, there isn’t anything revolutionary going on here that’s going to separate this film from the rest of the pack in your mind, but it’s starting to look like this one goes a few steps further than the rest of the recent exorcism films as far as big time spectacle, creepy effects work, and offensive content goes. This time around we get extended bone-crunching gymnastics, camera-splattering vaginal blood, lots of action, and a bit with a baby that’s bound to give you the willies.

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Boiling Point

No matter what I say below, know this: I will see Shark Night 3D. There are no press screenings, no DVDs mailed to my home. I will head out to a theater to watch it because I love sharks and I love watching people get eaten by them. So to be extra clear: I haven’t seen the film yet. No one has. But still, I’m going to bitch about it, because that’s how I roll. Why? Well, because it’s easy to get mad at this film. It’s rated PG-13. I mean, if there ever was a title for a hard R-rating, it’s Shark Night 3D. After all, Piranha 3D, which was probably instrumental in green lighting this late entry to Shark Week, was well received because of its gore. Its nudity. Its generally over the top nature. Without Jerry O’Connell getting his dick bit off and two hot, naked women swimming for six minutes, that film is a pile of crap. The blood makes it – and the PG-13 rating for Shark Night might break it.

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Why Watch? It features the revenge of a household item we’ve been dumping our shit in for years. For the next week or so, we’ll be shining a spotlight on some of the short films from the ABCs of Death competition going on right now to find the 26th director for the upcoming horror anthology. Each entry starts with the letter T and has to pick a T-word to use in a deadly way. We’ve featured work from Lee Hardcastle before, and this new short has the same wicked charm and horror sensibility that manages to make you laugh while cringing. What does it cost? Just 4 minute of your time. Check out T is For Toilet for yourself:

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For newbies to the column, I’m recalling defining moments that made me what I am: A Special Effects Make Up Artist looking for relevance in the 21st Century. The time is 1985, and I have finished a tour of duty for Stan Winston’s Studio. I am 23 years old. Freelance. Footloose and fancy-free. Unemployed again. I had tasted of the good life and knew that, somehow, I needed to return to Stan Winston Studios. It was everything I imagined working in a Hollywood special make-up effects studio would be and more. It certainly was first class all of the way but at the moment, it was irrelevant. Alec Gillis and Rick Lazzarini had left and joined Stan and the rest of the crew in England to continue work on Aliens. I, on the other hand, needed to find work. Toward the end of Invaders from Mars, a rumor began circulating that Rick Baker was putting together a crew to build a Sasquatch suit for a film entitled Harry and the Hendersons. Now, regardless of what others may or may not think, I knew that my work was below the established standard of excellence at Rick’s studio. This was confirmed when I interviewed with him and I wasn’t hired.

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Up to this point I haven’t been all that excited about the upcoming remake of Conan the Barbarian. All of the ads have made it look like a pretty generic swordplay film that could sit alongside the B-level stuff I’d watch on cable as a kid on Sunday afternoons. But then, on last week’s episode of Game of Thrones, we got a great fight scene where Conan star Jason Momoa gleefully slit a guy’s throat and then reached in and pulled out all of his neck guts and his tongue and stuff. It really whetted my appetite to see Momoa slash some more stuff up. And coincidentally enough, now IGN brings us a red band trailer for Conan that gives us almost exclusively tons of that. Momoa growls to us in this trailer that, “When a Barbarian feels thirst, it is a thirst for blood.” It’s a pretty sweet tag line, but it’s also backed up by constant images of Conan hacking and slashing his way through the countryside. This movie seems to be all swirling swords and fountains of the red, sticky stuff. At one point Conan even seems to get amorous when he sees a lady put a sword through a downed opponent’s skull. That’s the sort of dedication to bloodletting that I can get behind. And in addition to the blood showers, we also get a glimpse of burned villages, sacrificed virgins, and what seems to be a much larger scale recreation of the trash compactor scene […]

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Besides the bad acting, the eye-rollingly terrible story, the logic gaps, and pointlessness, the biggest problem with Human Centipede was that it just wasn’t all that gross. With a premise like that, you’d better deliver the goods, and director Tom Six instead covered the goods in adult diapers and pantomime poop-eating. Fortunately, its sequel has been flatly rejected by the British Board of Film Classification – citing “images of sexual violence, forced defecation, and mutilation.” A plot synopsis of sorts has come from the decision, and it reveals that Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) will be employing a new horror trend into its bag of tricks. Of course, mild spoilers stand right ahead…

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Guess what, everyone. Yoshihiro Nishimura is still obsessed with spraying gallons of blood from people’s necks and shoving body parts where they absolutely don’t belong. There’s nothing wrong with that, but after Tokyo Gore Police, Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl, and Mutant Girl Squad, the act is wearing thin enough to rip in half and release a tsunami of the red stuff spraying into the theater. Kika (Yumiko Hara) has her heart ripped out of her chest by her mother – a vicious woman who gives birth to a massive horde of zombies given power by the horns sticking out of their foreheads. The horde is mostly relegated behind a partition wall that separates Human Japan from Zombie Japan, but Kika teams up to go get her heart back and destroy all the zombies so that the country can be united again.

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ff-deathsquadfooter

In a tragic love triangle, Monami gives Mizushima a Valentine’s Day chocolate filled with her own blood, changing him into an immortal. The third side of the triangle is Keiko who wants Mizushima all to herself. A fight ensues, but when Keiko accidentally falls to her death from the roof, her mad scientist Kubuki father brings her back to life with the aid of a few of her fellow students’ body parts allowing her to take on Monami in a battle to the death.

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We’ve been training all our lives for this, and it’s finally here. Fantastic Fest 2009 promises to remove our eyeballs, pour blood, sex and ninja moves all over them and then shove them right back in our face. These are the 20 films that have us most excited about that upcoming amateur surgical procedure.

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Project Greenlight winner and gory good time Feast gets some love from our horror infatuated team.

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Foreign Objects travels the world of international cinema each week to look for films worth visiting. So renew your passport, get your shots, and brush up on the local age of legal consent, this week we’re heading to… Canada!

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Philosophy of a Knife

Foreign Objects travels the world of international cinema each week to highlight films worth visiting. So renew your passport, get your shots, and brush up on the local age of legal consent, this week we’re heading to… Russia! And we may never go back again.

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Pink Eye

Normally, a movie titled Pink Eye wouldn’t have caught my attention, but given the fact that I’ve had conjunctive eyetis (a.k.a. pink eye) twice since mid-May, I had to stop and take a brief look.

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