George Washington

Fireworks

Why Watch? Opponents beware. Opponents beware. We’ve used this column (and others) to celebrate the utterly serious, soul-deep love we have for America, but this Independence Day, it’s time to get ridiculous. Or four-dic-ulous. Either way. And for those who need somber reverence on this holiday (where we light a bunch of stuff on fire and cook caveman-style), think of this short film as an experimental thinkpiece on the apotheosis of our leaders due to indulgent (but warranted?) hero worship. For everyone else, here’s a funny animated rap about George Washington. A true classic.

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As we all know, George Washington tried desperately to become a professional wrestler and world-class ballet dancer, so it makes sense that the General-turned-President would be the focus of a future Darren Aronofsky project. The director has attached himself to The General – a biopic with a script from Adam Cooper and Bill Collage (Tower Heist, Accepted). According to Variety, the director is shopping the project to Paramount (as contractually obligated) but if they pass, he’ll be taking it around town. Then, after they see the town, they’ll start taking meetings with studio executives. Why they’re stealing the name from a brilliant Buster Keaton Civil War adventure is unclear. However, it sounds like a solid enough idea. Cooper and Collage must be showing off a different side for Aronofsky to get on board like this, but it’s high time that we get a dirty-handed version of Washington. After all, if Abraham Lincoln can hunt vampires and FDR can be an American Badass, why not make Washington an unironic hero with blood on his hands? If you’re unfamiliar with our first President, learn about him here:

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Everyone prepare to rise from the wasteland that you call your life and step into the glorious Promised Land of Reject Radio. It’s the first episode, and like any first time, there’s a little pinch, a nervous excitement, and you have trouble walking afterward. Was it good for you?

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Nicholas Meyer is penning the script for a project on George Washington that will probably focus on his leading America to independence instead of his time-traveling robot past.

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