Dick Van Dyke

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“Bye Bye Birdie is all about that certain something that excites young people when they reach that certain age.” It’s sex. They’re talking about sex. This movie is percolating with it even if they never even say the word. It’s got Dick Van Dyke and Janet Leigh comparing pajamas, Ann-Margret putting on pants, and the entire thing revolves around the marketing of a kiss. After all, you have to make the publicity count when you’re about to go off to war. This parody on the real-life drafting of Elvis Presley was the first feature film for Van Dyke, and even though the focus is supposed to be on Elvis, the name their spoofing is Conway Twitty’s. Because it’s far, far funnier.


Dick Tracy Trading Card

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; all your candy are belong to us. How many words do I really need expend on this introduction? If you’re a frequent reader of the column, who hasn’t managed to blow himself up building a working replica of Bill & Ted’s phone booth, you are already aware of my affinity for terrible movies and you have wasted more time than you dare admit reading this insufferable column. For those of you who haplessly wandered in hoping to find the nutritional content of the KFC Double-Down or creative Junior Mint recipes, my condolences. But now that you’re here, you should know that the JFC system is threefold. First, I point out the film’s numerous faults; heckling it from the cyberspace balcony like Statler and Waldorf. But then, on a dime, I switch it up and sing the film’s inexplicable praises like a banjo-wielding frog expounding on the merits of rainbows. Finally I will pair the film with an appropriate snack food item upon which you can feverishly chow down like a furry blue monster well on his way to crippling obesity. This week’s delicacy (which is likely to be brought to you by the words cease & desist): Dick Tracy



In this week’s sex column, Bethany Perryman is clearly left unsatisfied between the sheets. But unlike many of you, she’s got some solutions and a Helen Keller joke or two.

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published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.27.2015

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