“Stretch Armstrong was in the shape of a small well-muscled blonde man wearing a pair of underwear. Its most notable feature was that the doll could be stretched from its original size (about 15 inches) to four or five feet. However, if a tear did develop, it could be fixed with an adhesive bandage…There are still Original Stretch Armstrongs that have survived the passing of time and are remarkably preserved through sheer luck or being stored at the correct temperature…Stretch Armstrong is made of latex rubber filled with gelled corn syrup, which allows it to retain shape for a short time before shrinking to its original shape. The later 1990s figures had small beads inside them.” Of course we need a movie about this man. Of course we need to know more about his life, his origins, his dreams, his wishes. How does Stretch Armstrong feel? What is gelled corn syrup? Do the beads tickle his insides? How does he keep smiling even when his life is being pushed to the very limit? What about melting? We’ve long known that we were, for whatever reason, in for a Stretch Armstrong movie, but the project has been tossed around, discarded, and forgotten so often (much like an actual Stretch Armstrong doll) that it seemed as if it might never happen. Incorrect! Relativity Media has announced that director Breck Eisner is set to helm the film, one that will be “gritty” and filled with “life-or-death consequences.” What?