David Hasselhoff

moore

What is Casting Couch? It’s all of the day’s most pressing casting news compiled in one convenient place. Today we’ve got a very important update on what David Hasselhof is going to be up to next. The Germans should love this one. One of the more important characters who’s going to be introduced in the next two Hunger Games movies is Alma Coin, who’s the President of one of the Districts that make up the story’s dystopian world—probably the most important and mysterious of all the Districts too. Anyway, she’s a lady, and she’s the sort of lady who projects quite a bit of competence and authority, so it’s going to be important for director Francis Lawrence to find an experienced actress with some real chops to play her. Low and behold, Deadline has a report that he’s likely found such an actress. According to their sources, Julianne Moore is very close to signing on to take the role, which will finally give her a chance to play a politician with some brains.

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Jim Carrey

What is Casting Couch? Today it’s the casting roundup with news about a talking raccoon, a frog puppet, a famous dog, a beautiful woman, and David Hasselhoff’s shorts. So far Marvel’s next big thing, The Guardians of the Galaxy, has been a great source of casting rumors, but not yet a generator of any casting confirmations. We’ve heard about a bevy of actors who might play Star-Lord, a handful who might be Drax the Destroyer, and now the Latino Review is reporting that director James Gunn and company are reaching out to both Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler to inquire about their availability for the film. What roles might they play? Perhaps they could provide the voices for either the big tree guy, Groot, or the little raccoon guy, Rocket Raccoon. I mean, it would just be too weird if either of them actually showed up playing a live action role, wouldn’t it? Definitely. Even hearing Sandler’s one goofy voice he uses coming out of a CG character’s mouth would just be too weird already. Let’s hope that rumor is completely off base.

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Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD wasn’t screened for critics, and a flood wiped out the showing I was slated to attend at the only theater featuring it in New York City. After the 45-minute round-trip subway ride for nothing, I returned to my apartment, sat down to order the movie on video on demand and had one of those brief moments of existential panic that befalls every film critic now and again: Is spending a half-day or more trying to see Piranha 3DD really what I should be doing with my life? Fortunately, I guess, I sucked it up, hit “buy,” and sat through the 71-minute feature, which is padded out to 81 thanks to 10 minutes of outtakes and David Hasselhoff jokes over the closing credits. Full disclosure: I don’t have a 3-D TV, so I can’t comment on what it’s like to see Katrina Bowden’s projectile vomit propelling toward you from a big screen. If you’re looking for an in-depth dissection of Piranha 3DD’s third-dimensional tomfoolery, you’ll have to go elsewhere.

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If you watched the green band trailer for Piranha 3DD, then you’ve already seen most of what the new red band trailer has to offer. You would think that for a property this intent on gaining attention by being shocking and schlocky, there would be some sick, shocking stuff saved for the restricted audience ads…but not really. All of the same high points are here: Christopher Lloyd ranting as a crazy scientist, David Hasselhoff being a cocky dick, Gary Busey getting down and dirty with some fish heads, some fish heads getting down and dirty with Katrina Bowden, and Ving Rhames showing off his gun leg. While not getting much of anything new is kind of a disappointment, those high points are admittedly pretty high. And there is one (two?) big difference between this new trailer and the first one that got released: boobs. Lots of them. Pretty much the first 30 seconds of this ad consists of bare boobs on display while a narrator tries his best to talk in a gravely, Christian Bale voice. So if you’re not at work or anything, and you haven’t seen a trailer for this movie yet, you should probably make it a point to watch this one. Because things are always better with boobs.

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Peter Tolan has written a number of movies, but he’s probably best known at this point for his work in television. Not only was he a writer on the ridiculously influential The Larry Sanders Show, but he was also the creator of the well-liked and recently wrapped up FX drama Rescue Me. This is a guy who knows TV, so why wouldn’t he be the guy tapped to do a big screen adaptation of one of the longest running and successful TV dramas of all time? No reason, I’d give him a shot at it. But the TV drama that I’d be adapting for a big screen version probably wouldn’t be Baywatch. Running from 1989-2001, Baywatch was a cheesy, low quality action show about lifeguards that starred David Hasselhoff and an endless parade of bouncing bosoms. It was known for its slow motion running scenes just as much as it was for its bad dialogue and ridiculous plot lines, and probably it ran so long because it was cheap to produce and a good thing to zone out to when you were hung over on Sunday mornings. That’s all fine and good, Baywatch filled its niche, but a live action movie? In 2011? Don’t worry, that’s not going to be an issue. Though the film is going to be called Baywatch, and Tolan has already turned in a first draft of the script, don’t expect it to have anything to do with a shirtless David Hasselhoff or a wedgie sporting […]

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly round-up of all things interesting and wonderful happening in the world of movies. At least, that’s what it was born as. Lately it’s been feeling as if it might be more of a Rachel Weisz News After Dark kind of column. A Rachel Weiszsexual, if you will. And yes, that’s the technical term. It’s a tough affliction to live with. Because their just isn’t enough Rachel Weisz in the world. Luckily Hollywood is hell-bent on changing that… Guess what this week is… Rachel Weisz week. Based on a survey of our male 18-35 demographic, which represents a solid percentage of our readership, this is somehow preferable to all of my updates about Doctor Who. I don’t see why, as Doctor Who is excellent. But I can understand your affinity for Rachel Weisz news. Anyway, she’s not only in line to take a high profile role in Oz the Great and Powerful and The Bourne Legacy. According to a report from Cinema Blend, Weisz is high on the list to star opposite Johnny Depp in Rob Marshall’s remake of The Thin Man. Even though that film sound unnecessary, we just can’t say no to more Rachel Weisz… can we?

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As a 25-year-old Jewish man I’m about as far removed from the Hop target demographic as one could get. I’ve never celebrated Easter, I consequently have no strong emotional attachment to the Easter Bunny and I’m not overwhelmed by the notion of a drummer Easter Bunny that sounds an awful lot like Russell Brand and poops out jelly beans. Yet, here we are, faced with the strange phenomenon of an obsessively-tested, painstakingly-commercial, carefully-calibrated product that shouldn’t be any good at all somehow defying those odds. From director Tim Hill, this live action-animation hybrid is more than just a one-note marketing machine, despite those incessant ads on every conceivable NBC Universal platform and the salesman’s desperation that underwrites it. A blatant stab at surrounding the Easter Bunny with a mythology comparable to Santa’s, the picture unfolds in two settings. The first: Easter Island, home to the enormous factory that’s home base for Easter operations, filled with cascading waterfalls of chocolate and bursts of colorful candy dyes. There, teenage rabbit E.B. (Russell Brand) is being groomed by dad (Hugh Laurie) to take over the family business. The picture’s second main locale is the slightly less exotic Los Angeles, where slacker Fred (James Marsden) lives a tired, aimless existence. Our heroes’ destinies collide when E.B. flees his fate through a magical wormhole of sorts, lands in Hollywood and thanks to Fred nearly becomes the world’s most famous road kill. The tandem grows ever-closer from there, as Fred (quickly getting over any pretense of […]

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What is Movie News After Dark? It’s holding out for a hero ’til the morning light. He’s gotta be sure, it’s gotta be soon, and he’s gotta be larger than life. We lead tonight with images from this evening’s episode of Community, which took a jaunt into Pulp Fiction territory and played around with some Tarantino aesthetic. I haven’t watched it yet, as I’m contractually obligated to watch it with my lady and I won’t see her until tomorrow night, but I’m told that it was a new high mark for the show.

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Shout! Factory began an impressive endeavor earlier this year with the announcement that they would be releasing monthly titles under the Roger Corman’s Cult Classics banner. The titles have so far ranged from Rock n Roll High School and Death Race 2000 to Piranha and Humanoids From the Deep. Not only are they rescuing several of these flicks from VHS obscurity, but they’re also adding tons of brand new special features. And the wonderfully odd and eclectic hits keep on coming with their latest addition, the 1978 Star Wars ripoff homage ripoff… Starcrash.

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Direct-to-DVD Showdown

The direct-to-DVD market is filled with mid-list action films, and more keep on coming. In the past couple weeks, three films have caught our eye. Let’s look at how they stack up against each other.

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David Hasselhoff

We can’t make this stuff up — seriously. Variety is reporting today that David Hasselhoff and High School Musical’s Lucas Grabeel will headline Beverly Hills Ninja 2.

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We know that Will Arnett may not live up to the legacy of Mr. Feeny as the voice of KITT, but will the Mustang be as cool as the Trans-Am was back in the 80s.

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What celebrities won’t do for some time in the spotlight…

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