Cryptic Warnings

Cabin in the Woods Creepy Advisory Guy

Dear Creepy Advisory Weirdos, First and foremost I would like to thank you for your willingness to offer advice and commend you on your steadfastness in courting danger everyday by continuing to live in areas most of us consider haunted, damned, or forbidden. Yes, Weirdos, this letter is for you denizens of the Hollywood horror film with all your broken teeth, matted hair, and sour dispositions. I know it can’t be easy being you. After all, the townspeople generally seem to have a strong disdain for your continued residence in the area. They’d rather you move off, or perhaps preferably, fall victim to the unknown horror you’re always warning the new kids about. Your reputation around town is the stuff of legend. Embarrassing, creepy legend. Indeed, you must be made of strong stuff, suffering the slings and looks of your fellow townspeople whenever you’re around and when you’re not, you’re living in squalid shack-conditions out in the wilderness. As bad as things are, weird guy, that’s not the worst of it.

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published: 01.25.2015
published: 01.25.2015
published: 01.25.2015

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