Crank

IntroRevenge

As the Oldboy remake approaches, the subject of revenge is no doubt teeming in everyone’s heads – at least in terms of punishing the people who decided to remake Oldboy. While there are so many lists out there about the most “brutal” or the most “satisfying” revenge films, perhaps it might be fun to explore the strangest, if not most laughable ways people enacted their justice.

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IntroBadassWounds

So you’ve been shot/stabbed/eaten/burned/dismembered/amputated/face melted by an ancient artifact, what are you going to do next? If you answered, “go into shock while screaming like an asshole” then you’re probably on track. In the movies, of course, that’s a different story – people like to do cool stuff while dying in movies, act all badass for our amusement. Let’s look at 20 such fallen heroes. Spoilers should go without saying. But we said it. Right there. So no one can complain.

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Exactly one billion years ago today, a group of settlers had an early dinner with the Wampanoag Native American tribe before playing an unsettling game of touch football in their back yard. They then went to the local merchant to stand in line for many hours in hopes of purchasing an item for slightly less than what it will cost the following day, thus completely justifying the enormous emotional distress of doing so. Today we honor this tradition by having a dinner with friends and family to celebrate the unification of mankind before going to the mall and doing the exact opposite of that. But hey, it could be weirder. For example, the following:

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While they may not have intended to make a straight western like the comics, at least they would’ve made something different. We’re dealing with a surge of comic book films right now and this one won’t be remembered. It’s incredibly paint-by-numbers and not the unique piece of craziness we would’ve gotten if Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor directed as intended. If you’re interested in what their version would’ve been like and how their original draft differs, look no further. Here it is.

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sold-amazonbdbogo

It is Tuesday and that means we are all in DVD purchasing mode, does it not? And thankfully the folks at Amazon have decided to bring out a few of their best promos just for the DVDholics among us.

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It turns out the star might not be interested in ripping half his face off to play an obscure comic book character. That’s right, Hex fans, I said ‘obscure.’

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Gerard Butler in Game

It seems that making a fictional game look its best isn’t easy. The upcoming film Game starring Gerard Butler has been given a summer 2009 release date.

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Boiling Point: Speed Kills

Robert Fure recovers from his epileptic seizure long enough to talk fast cut editing.

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Jason Statham Gets A Jolt From Some Electrodes

Crank 2 kickstarts the adrenaline with new cast members, and they start shooting in one week. If you haven’t seen the original, you’ve got some time. However, once you’ve seen it, it might shave a tick or two off of your heart’s life-expectancy. Then comes this sequel…

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It seems like the gang who brought us Crank, and haven’t even yet finished Crank 2, are going to bring us a Crank 3…IN 3-D!

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