Breaking Dawn

Drinking Games

Well, folks, it’s finally over. The Twilight Saga rang its final bell this past weekend with the release of Breaking Dawn: Part II on DVD and Blu-ray. Chances are, the fans out there have already secured a copy and have had it on a continuous loop since it hit the streets. If you happen to be the significant other (or father or super good best friend) with a Twi-hard making you watch the last installment in the franchise, you’ll want to knock back a couple drinks in the process. Raise your glass to the end of an era, an end of a franchise, and an end of body glitter in the multiplex.

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The Ingredients is a column devoted to breaking down the components of a new film release with some focus on influential movies that came before. As always, these posts look at the entire plots of films and so include SPOILERS.  By the end of Breaking Dawn — Part 2, it’s clear that the Twilight Saga, as one long story about vampires, werewolves and a chaste teenage girl, is first and foremost a romance picture. This may not sound like a revelation, but in the past four years we’ve all looked at the series in terms of how it transcends the traditional “chick flick” ghetto to dabble in elements of superhero and horror genres, potentially wooing male moviegoers in the process. Interestingly enough, the finale features a sequence that is very much aimed at fans of genre cinema just before pulling a 180 and concluding with an ending that the same audience will find mushy and sappy as (their personal) hell. While romance figures into most film genres and even dominates the conventional Hollywood denouement for movies no matter what audience is targeted, most of these features are not classifiably romance pictures. The love stories are secondary or even tertiary in importance to plots primarily concerned with adventure or disaster or some treatment of good versus evil. And although there are antagonists strewn throughout the Twilight films, there aren’t really good guys and bad guys in proper terms. Instead there is simply love and family versus threat to love and family. […]

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Drinking Games

The wait is over. The saga is nearly complete. The second half of Breaking Dawn comes to theaters this week, and the estrogen will flow. Twi-hards and Twi-moms around the world will be watching all four Twilight films leading up to the sure-to-be unepic conclusion. You may be forced to sit through one – or all – of these films before attending a showing of the new film this weekend. If that sounds like hell on Earth, you might want to have a drink… or two… or fourteen while watching the films with your significant other.

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Just as it did last year, this year’s Comic-Con will open with one heck of a bite – that’s the bite of rabid Twilight fans who are so undone by what they are watching on stage that their mouths just naturally fall open into a scream and then just naturally stay that way and then just (oops!) naturally bite into whomsoever is unlucky enough to be sitting by them. Natural, you know, like a nerdy teen falling in love with a sexy vampire. Be that as it may, Summit Entertainment has just announced that their The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 panel will be the opening panel of this year’s Comic-Con and the kick-off panel of the hallowed Hall H. Details are still scarce, but we do know that the panel will take place on Thursday, July 12 (duh) and that there will be “exclusive footage” of the final chapter (last year’s panel included showing two scenes from the film). We also don’t yet know which talent will be there, but it’s safe to assume that Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner will be around for the panel’s cast Q&A session. Feel free to check out the official release after the break and, San Diego, prep your eardrums accordingly.

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The first teaser for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 was anemic not only because it was for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, but because it was a confused flash of nothing. The first full tease is 49 seconds that expands on that nothingness, but it still manages to make Kristen Stewart‘s Bella super creepy as her eyes glow a vampiric red as she stares down a poor defenseless deer. As the movie before it attempted shock with its WTF attitude toward bed-breaking sex, it looks like this one wants to solve an age-old mystery: Bella Swan killed Bambi’s mother. Check it out:

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Let’s be honest here, the first time we all heard about Adam Sandler’s cross-dressing comedy, Jack & Jill, it was already clear that it was going to be an epically awful abomination that would inevitably get the attention of the yearly awards for worst in film, the Razzies. And get their attention it did. Upon today’s announcement of the nominees for the 32nd Annual Razzie Awards, Adam Sandler has earned the distinction of being the most nominated performer of all time, receiving 11 nominations for his work in not only Jack & Jill, but also Just Go With It and Bucky Larson. Also, as a whole, Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions has scored a whopping 19 nominations overall for the three aforementioned films. While these numbers are staggering, especially since The Razzies only give out ten awards every year, they should probably come as no surprise. It’s hard to understate just how bad all of the work that Sandler has done this year is, how lazy and pandering every film that has his name on it ends up coming off, and how shamelessly self-aware Sandler seems to be about the awful choices he makes, all while gleefully counting his stacks of money. Some may say that it’s going too far to nominate the man both in the Worst Actor and Worst Actress category for Jack & Jill, seeing as he’s not really an actress, but not me. I say he deserves it. His ridiculous portrayal of a woman was just that […]

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This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr dresses up in layers and layers of rain gear to brave the estrogen storm that comes with the showing of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part I. After enduring that non-masterpiece, he dances down a few screening rooms to watch the new Happy Feet movie. Confounded by the gelatinous goop that masquerades as movies this weekend in American cinema, Kevin eventually curls up in a ball and softly weeps.

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As the “worldwide phenomenon” that is The Twilight Saga of films (adapted from Stephenie Meyer‘s equally as popular and blockbuster-selling quartet of novels) has progressed through the years, it has become increasingly difficult for those not already inoculated into the cult of human-vampire-werewolf love triangles to process, enjoy, and understand just exactly what they’re seeing on screen. Which is a nice way of saying that the tale of Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, and a whole mess of other humans and mythological creatures has spiraled almost totally and nonsensically out of control. Following their star-crossed high school courtship, unsteady human Bella (Kristen Stewart) and her smoothie vampire suitor (Robert Pattinson) have decided to take things to the next level. For most eighteen-year-olds (or ostensible eighteen-year-olds with Edward’s immortal appearance), that would mean getting down in the carnal sense – but for Edward and Bella, that means getting married (his choice) so that Bella can finally be turned to match her lover and his family (her choice). These are certainly big decisions for a girl who is barely an adult, but they’re made immeasurably more difficult by a hairy problem – teen werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who is just as in love with Bella as Edward is. That’s The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 in a straight-faced nutshell. Yet, even fans of the series must admit that the final entry into Meyer’s series is absolutely crammed with elements that, at their best, could be described as bizarre. […]

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Today People Magazine unveiled their annual “Sexiest Man Alive” winner, crushing the hopes and dreams of thousands of starving beautiful men who thought, maybe just this once, they could have been a contender (better luck next year boys). While Bradley Cooper is a tasty, if not boring, morsel of man, as far as I know he has yet to perform in a movie sex scene. Making him completely of no interest to me in regards to this column. Please correct me if I’m wrong in the comments, as I will for sure need to brush up on my Bradley Cooper sexy-time if it does exist. But enough about my personal disappointment in People Magazine’s cornering of the Sexiest Man Alive market, for today is also the day before the night before the opening of the fourth movie in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn: Part I. Now this little tween fantasy is definitely of interest to me for more than its loose definition of what constitutes child pornography. I have (like almost all women in need of a good train wreck) annually paid good money to the Summit gods for the Twilight experience, and this Friday will be no different. Fans of the sparkly vampire series have (im)patiently waited through the first three films for two Breaking Dawn scenes, one completely contingent on the other. If the press tour mumblings of the film’s stars are anything to believe, Twi-hards should already prepare themselves for some hot and heavy action during Bella […]

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The Twilight franchise is known for many things – its lead actors, bringing vampires and werewolves to a cultural fever pitch, the seemingly insatiable fandom that surrounds it, and the story’s sometimes unbelievable plot lines which, in this fourth installment, will give audiences a wedding, a honeymoon, and (naturally) the birth of a vampire/human offspring. But beyond the blood and the fur, the music featured throughout the series has always been an equally important part of the Twilight experience. Author Stephenie Meyer (who penned the novels the films are based on) has even noted the specific pieces of music she was listening to when writing the various books. The impact and influence of music has always been a part of the Twilight world and the anticipation that accompanies the announcement of which artists will be on each soundtrack is almost as though a new actor is joining the cast. Fans turned out in droves to not only see the actors from the films, but to also watch performances from the artists on the soundtracks for Twilight and New Moon at fan events, selections of which can be seen on Music Videos and Performances from The Twilight Saga Soundtracks, Vol. 1. Regardless of what you may think of the films, the soundtracks have always boasted an impressive list of artists who provided original songs for the films such as Muse (“Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)”), Death Cab for Cutie (“Meet Me at the Equinox”), and Radiohead’s Thom Yorke (“Hearing Damage”). […]

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Let’s just be honest here – if you’re into The Twilight Saga, you’re into it. If you’re not into it, well, you’re probably pretty into making fun of it. Luckily for both factions of fanhood, today’s first full-length trailer for the penultimate entry into the massively popular film franchise based on Stephenie Meyer‘s massively popular book series, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1, delivers everything that anyone could want from it – showcasing some of the film’s most important scenes (you better believe it’s wedding-heavy), alongside some truly boggling facial expressions. It’s, in short, just as vampire batshit crazy as the rest of the franchise has been so far. Maybe even more. Sink your teeth into the first full trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 after the break.

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So it’s not as exciting as a picture of a woman’s hand grabbing a down comforter in joy/pain/agony/or a genuine love of down comforters, but the first look at The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn features Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart either right in the middle of, right before, or right after the thing that adults do. It’s been no secret that the final installment involves some legally and religiously sanctioned love-making, but it just doesn’t seem right without the glitter. See it for yourself and let us know your opinion, after the jump:

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Breaking Dawn and the rest of its Twilight counterparts are infinitely fascinating because they stand as artistic entries dealing with gruesome subject matter (the love included) that’s aimed squarely at a young teen audience. So far, there’s been a profound emptiness in the movies, but since each installment has been inevitable, there’s been a flicker of a glimmer of a spark of some hope that it would be better than its predecessors. That hope still exists for the two part final entry, but USA Today is reporting that the film will be walking the fine line of shooting for a PG-13 sex scene and birthing scene. The question of how they’ll pull that off will make a major impact on the quality of the movie. Assuming the other parts of the movie are also quality. The point is that it could be the nail in the coffin or the scene that brings everything together. This glosses over a very obvious fact, though. They are shooting a sex scene for 12 year olds to watch. That’s a tough and creepy prospect that usually involves renting a panel van, but the key according to producer Wyck Godfrey is the perspective of the shots. Apparently it won’t be “soft core porn,” but a sex scene without sex usually turns out that way. There’s a challenge there. The production needs to fulfill a long-promised culmination of a relationship while also delivering it in a responsible way to young teenagers. Expect a lot of glowering.

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It’s been exciting finding out just how absurd movie marketing and movie news reporting has become. Here’s hoping that the down slope continues, but in the mean time, we can all celebrate the slap in the face delivered from the marketers for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. It’s the last movie in the series, the hook is already in the gullet of their core audience, so they deliver what everyone wants: a hand. Either it’s the feathery result of some orgasmic tension being release a little too close to the down comforter or Bella has finally realized her insatiable hunger for raw goose. Or she ripped a goose apart while making love. Totally, legally-sanctioned, ethically permissible love. [Thanks Twitter]

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If there’s one thousand things missing from the Twilight series, one of them has got to be a severe lack of undead teen idols sinking their teeth into some meaty placenta. But for the billions of people awaiting the sweet release of finally seeing Edward dig into Bella’s cervix like it’s a plate of spaghetti, disappointment is all that’s left. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg cleared up some rumors about what’s in the script for Breaking Dawn and what’s being filmed right now regarding the not-at-all-controversial human giving birth to a half-vampire that breaks her ribs and explodes out of her uterus. There’s a lot to look forward to, but… “…would we actually see Edward’s teeth through the placenta? I don’t think so. I don’t think we need to see that…” Damn it, Rosenberg. Give the fans what they want! The people demand placenta biting! [PopSugar]

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Twilight

The first Twilight movie isn’t in theaters until next week but that doesn’t appear to be slowing down Summit Entertainment’s commitment to making a few more in the coming years.

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