Boobs

If you watched the green band trailer for Piranha 3DD, then you’ve already seen most of what the new red band trailer has to offer. You would think that for a property this intent on gaining attention by being shocking and schlocky, there would be some sick, shocking stuff saved for the restricted audience ads…but not really. All of the same high points are here: Christopher Lloyd ranting as a crazy scientist, David Hasselhoff being a cocky dick, Gary Busey getting down and dirty with some fish heads, some fish heads getting down and dirty with Katrina Bowden, and Ving Rhames showing off his gun leg. While not getting much of anything new is kind of a disappointment, those high points are admittedly pretty high. And there is one (two?) big difference between this new trailer and the first one that got released: boobs. Lots of them. Pretty much the first 30 seconds of this ad consists of bare boobs on display while a narrator tries his best to talk in a gravely, Christian Bale voice. So if you’re not at work or anything, and you haven’t seen a trailer for this movie yet, you should probably make it a point to watch this one. Because things are always better with boobs.

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There hasn’t been much good news surrounding Piranha 3DD so far. From the very beginning, the fact that Alexander Aja and his writers weren’t coming back for this sequel to their delightfully nihilist 2010 film was a disappointment. Then the studio started monkeying with the release date, a sure sign that signals were crossed and expectations weren’t being met at some level of the production. It got to the point where it was pretty easy to write Piranha 3DD off as a missed opportunity before anyone had ever even seen it. But this new trailer that Shock Till You Drop has dug up throws a monkey wrench in those plans. How could anyone hate a movie with a cast like this? First off, Christopher Lloyd returns as the crazy scientist, which is something that should happen in about every third movie made. Secondly, David Koechner is playing the owner of a water park who has hired strippers for life guards. Thirdly, they’ve included David Hasselhoff, who shows up playing himself, but while dressed in his Baywatch gear. Then you also have to consider the fact that Katrina Bowden seems to have a baby piranha in her vagina, the only thing that can stop these fish may be Gary Busey biting their heads off, and eventually things get so bad that Ving Rhames has to go all Planet Terror and pull out a set of gun legs.

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Shame

There has been a lot of talk about the sexual content in Steve McQueen’s upcoming drama about sexual addiction and bratty little sisters, Shame. How explicit does it get? Exactly how many seconds is Michael Fassbender’s wang on screen? What gets glossed over a lot, however, is that Shame has been stuck with an NC-17 rating not because it shows too many boobs and butts, but because of how dirty, creepy, and downright…well, shameful watching this movie is going to make you feel. This is a no frills, brutally honest look at sexual compulsion, and the explicit content it contains is much more likely to repulse than it is to titillate. There is nothing healthy about the way Shame portrays human sexuality. You wouldn’t know that from the newest red band trailer for the movie though. What we get here is an isolated scene from the film, where Fassbender’s character eyeball humps a redhead on the subway. His wolflike leering and her suggestive thigh shuffling are interrupted by brief bursts of images from all of the dirty, dirty sex that Fassbender has over the course of the film, and the effect of watching it all cut together is rather… well, exciting. Make no mistake, this trailer paints Shame as being a much more pleasingly erotic experience than it really is, and is in some ways misleading.

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It’s a tale as old as time and as stale as those left-over everything bagels you brought home from the office two Fridays ago. Two humans living organisms, as different as night and day, cats and dogs, pee pee and poo poo, by some magical occurence swap bodies. Or minds. Or something. With literally dozens of iterations over the years, one would correctly wonder what was left to explore in the body swap comedy. As it turns out, there is, or was, at least one viable and comedic avenue left unexplored: the R-Rating. Make no mistake, The Change-Up strives to be R-Rated. Perhaps falling short of the hard R of The Hangover (John Lucas & Scott Moore wrote both), director David Dobkin peppers the screen with breasts (more on those later), urination scenes, two instances of diarrhea, a thumb in the asshole, and plenty of other inappropriate gags and the endangerment of children.

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Movie lovers wanting to violently tear out their hair whenever an adult property is watered-down for the PG-13 cash will find themselves rejoicing next to the bearded miscreants who love drinking 60 Minute IPA from a giant novelty beer stein. That’s because FSR is organizing a march on Washington, DC to take back Hollywood from infantilizing films that should be sexed up instead of sexed down. Why are we doing it it Washington, DC instead of Hollywood? Ask the intern who bought the plane tickets. If these photos of the set of Conan are to be believed, we’ll also be inviting the fans of the upper half of the nude female form.

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Fat Guys at the Movies

Kevin and Neil meet up again in the Magical Studio in the Sky to talk about their lackluster thoughts on this week’s new movies… and boobs. They also contemplate why movies aren’t making as much money this summer and what are the best sandwiches they have ever had.

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With perhaps the second greatest title (second to the fictional Nympho Werewolf Cheerleaders From Hell, which exists only in my mind) of all time, does this flick live up to its hot namesake or leave you all limp?

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31daysofhorror-reckoning

The Coroner jumps back into the 31 Days of Horror mix, bringing with him a self-aware slasher with quite the reputation preceding it already.

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We’ve been training all our lives for this, and it’s finally here. Fantastic Fest 2009 promises to remove our eyeballs, pour blood, sex and ninja moves all over them and then shove them right back in our face. These are the 20 films that have us most excited about that upcoming amateur surgical procedure.

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This week on a very special episode of Reject Radio that we forgot to post earlier in the week, I name more than 5 great Stephen King film adaptations and make Robert Fure look like the fool he is, we take a look at Sorority Row, and Diane Lane looks great in a cop uniform.

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These two new clips from Sorority Row are NSFW. As long as that stands for Now, Some Fine Women. And also stands for Not Safe For Work Due to Exposed Breasts. Or Oh Snap Some Girl Gets A Bottle Shoved Down Her Throat.

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The little horror film that could hits theaters today, and if the trailer didn’t sell you on it or if you’re wary of any horror that comes out, here are a few solid reasons why you should give The Collector the time of day.

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If you want a touch of horror with your serving of kink and sex then “The Hunger” just may satisfy your cravings.

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We find our way back from the Land of the Lost with a list of 10 things we weren’t keen on and half as many that we thought were groovy.

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So there I was, watching Isla Fisher’s new film Confessions of a Shopaholic and being a little surprised as how likeable she is on screen in a leading role when it occurred to me… I’m probably never going to see her boobs again

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30rock-37

Liz, still in the throngs of baby fever, ends up on a date with Stewart (Peter Dinklage), a UN employee whom she mistakes for a child on the street.

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FSR

FSR’s resident chubby film critic Kevin Carr runs down the reviews on Bride Wars, Not Easily Broken, Gran Torino and The Reader.

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Neil is grumpy this week, and Kevin takes full advantage of his weakness for the show.

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