Hawaiian Ice

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; home of Her Majesty’s Secret Sauce. This is the movie column with the license to grill…terrible movies. We fry everything else. Every week we moon-rake a bad movie over the coals, shaking it, stirring it, and a third Bond pun as well. We mock the living daylights out it, but just when it seems we have a view to a kill, we offer the movie a quantum of solace in the fact that we actually do harbor an affection for it. At the end, as we’ve never been a proponent of the idea of live and let diet, we serve up a disgustingly delicious snack food themed to the movie and sure to add a few double chins to those double-0 agents. One of the problems with being a diehard fan of the James Bond franchise, is that it’s impossible to then be a JamesBond fan of the Die Hard franchise. Wait, no, that’s not what I was going to say. The real problem is that your fandom often prevents you from avoiding some of the series’ worst entries even though you really ought to. Sure, Skyfall was tremendous, but does that mean I can finally resign myself to never again watch Die Another Day? No, it’ll still be there, impossible to resist; like a burn at the roof of your mouth that you can’t stop tonguing while watching Die Another Day. It’s so bad, that I’ve actually had to come up with new methods […]



Haven’t seen enough Kim Kardashian on your TV and in your news over the last 12 months? Well then do I have some good news for you. Kardashian had a number of comments to make about a prospective new career while red carpeting around at the SAG awards. She started her threats by telling E! cameras, “I love acting”, which seems like it could have been harmless enough chitchat if she hadn’t also claimed, “There are a few offers on the table, but I definitely want to make the right decision for the right part.” And what could that “right part” be? Well, genre fans, get ready to weep.


But will it toast your bread?

With the launch of the iPad coming soon, I have to ask a fundamental question about Apple’s latest gadget: Will it toast your bread while you slice it?



While reading this article, you may notice that Robert Ludlum titled all of his novels by staring with “The,” adding an enigmatic adjective like “Parsifal,” and ending it with a nonsensical noun like “mosaic.” You may also notice that Ron Howard will be directing a movie based off of “The Parsifal Mosaic.”



After a reboot and a successful sequel, could Daniel Craig’s Bond finally come face to face with one of the most famous villains? And could that villain be played by Tony Blair?



The Bond 22 screenwriter is apparently not as in touch with Ian Fleming as he once thought.

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published: 02.01.2015
published: 01.31.2015
published: 01.30.2015
published: 01.30.2015

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