BMX Bandits

Junkfood Cinema - Large

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; training wheels are sexy, dammit. You cycled your way through all the worthwhile content on the Internet, and fifteen minutes later you wound up here. Every week we examine movies so bad, watching them is like riding a bicycle without an overused simile. We kick the tires so hard they go spinning off the frame and irrevocably disrupt the game of ultimate Frisbee going on in the park we’re apparently in for this scenario. But then, just as we’re about to reach the highest gear of snark, we hit the brakes and admit that we’re head-over-handlebars in love with said bad film. To help ease the resulting bloody wounds, we will indulge in a delicious themed snack food item to tide us over until the ambulance arrives. Bikes! As we all know, any films made after  1989 are inherently inferior to the inferior movies of the years prior. However, there are miraculously rare occurrences when inferior movies from the inferior inferior movie era, i.e. right now times, are the type of inferior we find superior. In these instances, the movies playing in the multiplexes actually manage to exemplify the highly low standards we demand from our schlock. This week, one such glorious failure is Premium Rush. Starring that little Chinese girl from 3rd Rock from the Sun, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Premium Rush is about a group of people who ride bicycles for a living. No they don’t wear fancy yellow jerseys nor, disappointingly, are they circus […]

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Junkfood Cinema

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we don’t know what a barbie is either so just throw the shrimp into our mouths. You have just gone walkabout and stumbled upon the Internet’s 87th most prestigious bad movie column. Every week, I spear a wildly schlocky movie as it goes hopping by with a veritable pouch full of shortcomings. But then my opinion of the film boomerangs back to the pure adoration I’ve been harboring all along. To cap the occasion, I offer a disgustingly delicious snack food item certain to prove only slightly less hazardous than any of the innumerable poisonous Australian fauna. This week’s didgeri-don’t: BMX Bandits. 

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This Week in DVD

This is a rough week for the ye old DVD column because fate and coincidence have conspired to keep me from seeing most of the releases. I missed the few that hit theaters, and SXSW has left me with precious little time for DVD watching. So consider this week’s installment a “grain of salt” edition if you will. I’ll return next week with more solid opinions, but for now let’s look at the releases I’m forced to give blind ‘Rent’ recommendations to. There are only two high profile titles hitting shelves, The Fighter and Hereafter, and they’re joined by a handful of slightly recognizable smaller films and some obscure releases that have most likely avoided your radar all together. Like Sugar Boxx… The Switch This Jason Bateman/Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy earns the ‘Pick of the Week’ by default as it’s one of the very few releases I’ve actually seen, but luckily it’s actually a pretty good movie. The two play best friends whose lives get turned upside down when he replaces the semen meant for her vagina with his own baby batter. The film is sweet and funny enough, and both actors prove themselves capable and worthy of the genre.

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