Beyonce Knowles

Beyonce

HBO has today announced their acquisition of a star-studded new feature-length documentary that they will debut early next year. In this case, “star-studded” applies only if you’re willing to “stud” things with just one “star” (a huge one, though), because this new doc is a film about performer Beyonce, directed by Beyonce, executive produced by Beyonce, that has been partially filmed on the laptop computer of, you guessed it, Beyonce. Yes, this is the doc equivalent of “write what you know.” The film is described as an “intimate” look at the Grammy Award winner, that is a “fusion of video that provides raw, unprecedented access to the private entertainment icon and high-voltage performances.” That “fusion of video” will include first-person footage (including that laptop stuff), interviews, performances, and even home videos. No word yet on the title of the film, but we’re going with Beyonce. You can check out the full press release after the break, if you need more Beyonce in your life.

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Beyonce Knowles

Here is a riddle: how do you launch a major remake of a beloved modern classic (which was, of course, itself a remake of a remake of a remake) without a female star, a male star, or a start date? Well, in Hollywood, you just keep saying that it will happen. Warner Bros.’ remake of A Star Is Born has had a hell of a time making it to the big screen. Most notably conceived of as a Clint Eastwood directing vehicle and a Beyonce Knowles-starring dazzlefest, the production has been unable to lock down a male lead (remember when Tom Cruise was rumored? those were the days!), has had to reschedule after the one-two punch of Knowles’ pregnancy and Eastwood’s work on Trouble With the Curve, and now they’re facing their biggest challenge yet. Knowles? Yeah, she’s done with it. Variety reports that the actress/singer/prolific dancer has now left the project because “her schedule was already packed and that without a start date the scheduling became too complicated.” That does sound pretty complicated.

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What exactly is Epic, the next animated feature from the makers of Ice Age and Rio? If its new trailer is any indication, it’s going to be a mishmash of two well-established storytelling tropes, that of the mystical, tropical wonderland (think Fern Gully or Avatar) and that of the secret world where tiny people live right under our noses (a sort of Honey, I Shrunk The Kids meets The Secret World of Arrietty). It also seems like a movie that’s going to combine big adventure (forest warriors!) with silly humor (talking slugs?). Official word on the story says that Epic tells the tale of a teenage girl who gets transported to a deep forest setting where a battle between good and evil is taking place. There she teams up with a rag-tag group of characters to join a fight that’s going to have huge consequences for both their world and ours. That doesn’t give away much, but at least it indicates that this is going to be a story with real stakes.

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Today’s major casting press release might be the first I’ve heard of Twentieth Century Fox Animation and Blue Sky Studios’ upcoming 3D CG “action-adventure comedy,” Epic, but it’s just about all I need to get certifiably pumped over whatever the heck is going to get tossed at the screen with this one. Why? Let’s just take a look at the cast, shall we? Epic will star Beyonce Knowles, Colin Farrell, Josh Hutcherson, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Knoxville, Aziz Ansari, Pitbull, Jason Sudeikis, Steven Tyler, Blake Anderson (who?), and Judah Friedlander. Because why the heck not, right? The only thing that is disappointing about this cast is that Epic is not live-action, so there’ s no guarantee that any of these giant, hilariously-cast talents will ever be in the same room together. Pity. I suppose you want to know what Epic is actually about, right? Apparently, the film comes to use from the creators of Ice Age and Rio, and it “tells the story of an ongoing battle deep in the forest between the forces of good and the forces of evil.  When a teen age girl finds herself magically transported into this secret universe, she must band together with a rag-tag team of fun and whimsical characters in order to save their world…and ours.” So, it’s FernGully?

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While we certainly all hope that Tom Cruise will return for more of the newly-revitalized Mission: Impossible franchise, he might also be looking to ramp up the musical portion of his career. No, Cruise isn’t following in the steps of his son to become a DJ (that’s real), but he might just take on the lead role in Clint Eastwood‘s A Star Is Born remake. We’ll next see Cruise rocking out as Stacee Jaxx in Adam Shankman’s Rock of Ages, so sure, he could totally be into this project, too. Deadline Rochester reports that “Cruise is talking to Clint Eastwood about joining Beyonce in A Star Is Born” and because he just “morphed into an Axl Rose-like 80s rock icon in Rock of Ages…he’d be able to handle the singing part of that comes with playing an over the hill musician who helps launch the star of an ingenue he falls in love with and who watches him slide while her star soars.” But despite this completely rock-solid logic, even Deadline says that they “have no idea if Cruise will say yes.” Journalism!

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I am fully aware that I after I reveal what I am about to reveal, I may very well have my Official Lady Card revoked – but I’m willing to accept that. Deadline Harriman reveals that Ryan Murphy has signed a “preemptive deal” in the seven-figures with Sony Pictures to make a film titled One Hit Wonders, a musical comedy that will center on three washed-up pop singers from the ’90s who join together to make a super group. The film has yet to be penned, but it will be written specifically for Gwyneth Paltrow, Reese Witherspoon, and Cameron Diaz, who will play the singers, along with Beyonce, Andy Samberg, and the rest of the Lonely Island boys in unspecified (but obviously musical) roles. Here comes the part where I throw myself onto the fire – I think this sounds eighteen shades of awful, almost unspeakably terrible. The real kicker for me is this tidbit – “The project came out of a dinner that Murphy had at the Soho House, with Paltrow, Diaz and Witherspoon. They wanted to do something fun together, and kicked around ideas until they settled on One Hit Wonders.” How I wish this had just stayed a funny jag between friends and not something that the rest of us have to be subjected to. While musical comedies are usually delightful, something about a pack of Hollywood A-list friends getting together just for the sake of getting together turns my tummy, and the attachment of Ryan Murphy, […]

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lesson-obsessed

Obsessed could have been called Bitch, That’s My Man! and it would have made just as much money, maybe even more.

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FSR

Kevin Carr reviews this week’s new movies: The Soloist, Earth and Obsessed.

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Fat Guys at the Movies

Neil leads a protest against the studios by refusing to see any of the movies out this week. Kevin suffers through The Soloist while he takes his kids to work (i.e., gets them out of school to see a movie) on Take Your Child to Work Day.

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So here we are in the official Hollywood hangover week. Hugh Jackman was praised for doing less than anyone else had in the past. We have only two non-reviewed movies releasing this weekend. And Tyler Perry in a fat suit is box office gold.

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obsessed-header1

If there is one thing that I can say that will prepare you for the trailer below, which is for the upcoming Beyonce-driven drama Obsessed, it is that Ali Larter is one hot white woman.

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Fat Guys at the Movies

Kevin and Neil drive a Cadillac through the War Zone and take some shots at David Frost and Richard Nixon. They continue with their proselytizing for the cause of Fatguyenatics and the Church of Fatguyentology, in which they canonize their first patron saint.

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Boiling Point: Actors Are Not Casting Directors

Beyoncé is throwing her name in the arena for the Wonder Woman movie. Luckily, today is Monday which means I’ve got dibs on going insane over this before Kevin can proclaim WTF?

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Wonder Woman

Need a reason to cry yourself to sleep tonight? Check out these two ridiculous Wonder Woman-related rumors, they should be more than enough.

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