Ashley Tisdale

cage

Quiz any random person on the street about Nicolas Cage‘s impressive body of work and they’ll be able to give you their favorite Cageist moment from his repertoire. Is it Wicker Man Cage, his head enveloped in a metal cage, screaming about the bees, oh god the bees? Or National Treasure Cage, plotting to steal the Declaration of Independence just because it makes so much sense? Or perhaps it’s Ghost Rider Cage, the one who is literally on fire for most of the movie? Whatever the preferred flavor of Cage Rage, there’s a guaranteed new addition to be added to the list of stellar  performances. Enter Left Behind, the adaptation of the Christian apocalypse-themed books by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. If you haven’t heard of these books, then it’s already too late for you; the enormously popular series boasts over 19 books detailing the End of Days for those wicked booze-swillin,’ sex-havin,’ not church-attendin’ sons of guns who dare not take God seriously. The real Christians and the pure and innocent are ascended into Heaven while the heathens are — wait for it — left behind on Earth to suffer as much as possible. The books follow the survivors of the rapture as they battle environmental catastrophe, political and economic crisis and worldwide epidemics the likes of which have never been seen. Ours is a vengeful and unforgiving God.

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Michael Rosenbaum

As if the casting situation regarding the lead role for James Gunn’s upcoming Marvel movie, Guardians of the Galaxy, needed to get even more heated, today brings news that yet another candidate has been reading for the lead role of Peter Quill: AKA the half-human, half-alien intergalactic cop called Star-Lord. Michael Rosenbaum, who’s no stranger to the comic book world given his many years playing Lex Luthor on TV’s Smallville, recently took to his Twitter account to inform his followers that, “Read for my pal @JamesGunn GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY for PETER QUILL. What a treat! Thanks Jimmy. @Marvel.” If you can’t read Twitterspeak, that means Rosenbaum now joins Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Zachary Levi, and Jim Sturgess in the stable of actors we’ve heard are up for the role.

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scary-movie-5-01

Movies that spoof a bunch of other movies that already exist became really popular in the late ’90s. So popular that we’re creeping up on 2013 and people are still putting them out, even though none of them have been remotely watchable for as long as anyone can remember. Why won’t the studios stop punishing us with these painfully lazy, painfully unfunny pseudo-movies? Because far be it from those greed vampires in Hollywood to leave the corpse of any genre alone until they’ve drained it completely dry of every last possible dollar. That being said… MTV has posted a new trailer for Scary Movie 5! Despite the current state of the spoof genre, we shouldn’t have any fear about this one, right? Because this isn’t one of those lousy Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movies that are so lazy they don’t even bother to write jokes—Scary Movie 5 was written by spoof veterans David Zucker and Pat Proft, who have credits on things like Kentucky Fried Movie, The Naked Gun, and Hot Shots, so it should probably at least be decent, shouldn’t it? Well, not from the looks of the trailer.

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What is Movie News After Dark? Like any great franchise that’s been in your heart for many years (or just over one year), it keeps coming back whether you want it to or not. Always with more big questions. Not always with more answers. Maybe we can get Damon Lindelof to write this, too. It could use a good rewrite now and again. We begin this evening with a look at Michel Gondry’s Mood Indigo, a film that brings Gondry back to the world of the surreal. It’s got a delightful could car in which Romain Duris and Audrey Tautou ride. Adorable.

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Ashley Tisdale

It’s sort of crazy to know that Ashley Tisdale is 26 years old. Her acting career has been stuck firmly in the High School Musical world of teenage-dom with little in the way of grown-up roles. It’s also crazy to know that she was in Donnie Darko (as the “chut-up girl”). Just kidding. She was this girl. Well, that dorky girl concerned about her sister’s eating habits is about to graduate. According to a press release, she’ll be starring in Scary Movie 5 – which delivers the fantastic opportunity for her to spoof herself and HSM. It’s rare that a gag movie gets the star of a set of movies rife for parody. And you know the entire movie will be pop culture references. It’s not like the fifth movie in a flagging franchise that should have been direct-to-video a long time ago is an electric property, but at least it will get her beyond the doors of the cafetorium. After all, the original was a career-maker for Anna Faris. The plot, as previously reported, focuses on spoofing Black Swan, Final Destination and Paranormal Activity, so presumably, Tisdale will be playing a perfectionist ballerina who makes out with Mila Kunis a ton while taping ghosts who are killing everyone with Rube Goldberg devices. Can’t wait.  

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FSR

Kevin Carr breaks down the week’s releases, looking at Funny People, Aliens in the Attic, and The Collector.

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Fat Guys at the Movies

Kevin and Neil reunite in the Magical Studio in the Sky after Neil’s stint at the big house (or rather the little house; it was Pahrump, Nevada after all). They contemplate how funny Funny People is and whether anyone knows that Aliens in the Attic is coming out.

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Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

If the thought of High School Musical makes your stomach turn, you’ll want to avoid this film. However, the movie speaks directly to its demographic and doesn’t try to be something it’s not.

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High School Musical 3

You’ve most likely seen the standees of the High School Musical 3 cast at your local cineplex. Now, you can see the trailer from the film, courtesy of Disney. And here it is for all you Troy Bolton fans…

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Ashley Tisdale

Bolstered to stardom by the High School Musical franchise, sexy and now pop-music starlet Ashley Tisdale will star in the upcoming United Artists remake of Teen Witch.

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It’s okay, folks – you can exhale and uncross your fingers.

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