Armageddon

Whether you’re trying to avoid the releases this week or augment them with even more movies, Your Alternate Box Office offers some options for movies that would play perfectly alongside of (or instead of) the stuff studios are shoving into the megaplex this weekend. This week features a man who’s only got 8 minutes to save the world, a house that’s not haunted, a superhero who isn’t a superhero, and an Easter bunny who’s not the Easter bunny.

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Every week, Landon Palmer and Cole Abaius log on to their favorite chat client of 1996 as Dontwannamissathang and AffleckFan23 in order to discuss some topical topic of interest. This week, the pair tries to envision a movie world where Armageddon was never made. How would people survive that? As a result, the merits of the film’s acting, philosophy and subtext are brought to light. Comparisons to Ingmar Bergman are made. Lives are changed. Spoilers for The Sixth Sense and Armageddon are revealed. Fortunately, this nightmarish landscape is only imaginary, because Armageddon did get made, and it’s available to watch whenever we feel like it.

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In a recent press release, NASA has announced that it plans to land astronauts on an asteroid by 2025. This new development in space exploration must have been inspired, at least in part, by the hit 1998 Michael Bay film Armageddon, wherein a group of ultra-skilled oil drillers are sent to an asteroid headed for Earth with the mission of embedding an atomic weapon deep beneath its surface in order to blow it off of its course. What else could explain the fact that astronauts who’ve never quit are lining up right and left to be chosen for the expedition? Dr. Paul Abell, NASA’s lead scientist for planetary small bodies, addressed the issue, saying, “The Armageddon film with Bruce Willis was a very fun movie, but not exactly the most scientifically accurate. This is going to be an exciting endeavor, but not quite that dramatic. It’s going to happen a little bit more slowly.” This probably went without saying, as few things in human history have been as dramatic and harrowing as Bay’s masterpiece. Not to mention that, in a real world situation, I imagine it would be hard to find a rough neck crew of oil drillers quite as skilled as the ones that worked for Willis’s Harry Stamper. His claim that Armageddon wasn’t the most scientifically accurate film could be called into question, but probably he just meant it in the literal sense that The Rock’s portrayal of chemical weaponry is widely known as being the most painstakingly researched […]

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When the rare opportunity to read a truly talented writer’s take on a big budget phenomenon presents itself, you can’t turn it down. When that project is a sequel to Armageddon – arguably the reason why movies were invented – and the writer is Damon Lindelof, you should feel confident doing just about anything to get it. Especially if “just about anything” involves meeting a shadowy figure in the basement of the Umami Burger on Hollywood. It was on that dusky night almost a year ago that a be-cloaked voice handed me the script for Armageddoner and then told me in great detail what the Smoke Monster was. Then, only a month later, Lindelof posted the script himself on the internet for all to see. Naturally, I was hesitant to write anything about it until now. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something that makes writing about this particular script now that just feels right. The question isn’t whether it’s good or not. The question is whether it’s the best script or merely the greatest. Here, at least, is what I thought:

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After two very light weeks of releases, This Week in Blu-ray is as full as she’s ever been. We’ve got new movies, movies from yesteryear, good movies, bad movies and seemingly everything in between.

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We all love seeing the Earth blow up in movies, even if it rarely happens. We’re in this fight together, and if we all pitch in just a little bit, we’ll be able to witness the complete death of our Earth many times during our lifetime.

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In 2012, with a meteor going to destroy Earth, three men spend the afternoon inside a record store listening to an obscure band. As the band’s story is told, it shows how their song might save the planet from the oncoming apocalypse.

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Jericho Will Hit the Big Screen

Jon Turtletaub promises that we haven’t seen the last of the crew from “Jericho,” and we’ll be seeing them soon at our local Megaplex.

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published: 12.19.2014
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published: 12.18.2014
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