Arboreal Rape

Boiling Point

If you tried, you could probably find a bigger Evil Dead fan than me. It might take a little bit, but you could. I mean, I’ve got my three T-Shirts, my Necronomicon copies of the movies on DVD in addition to several other versions, including Blu-ray transfers, I’ve got my toys, books, comics, and video games too. So while I’ll never claim to be the biggest Evil Dead fan, I can say I’m a pretty big one. For years I’ve waited on a continuation to the story. I remember my first experiencing watching the original movie at a sleepover. It was Steve’s house, but he fell asleep early after playing too much Command & Conquer. Only me and Matt were awake and he, no joke, got a boner from the tree rape scene. There was always something off about Matt. But it wasn’t long after that I found the second. I remember Army of Darkness in theaters. Everything Bruce Campbell wrote or said about the franchise, I ate up. Waiting to hear about Evil Dead 4. When talk turned to a remake instead of a continuation, I was upset but hopeful. Maybe Campbell would be in it. Maybe they would cast Seann William Scott and that wouldn’t be all that bad, would it? Now we have firm news that the Evil Dead reboot is moving forward – time to praise the lord? Hardly. What we know sucks and here’s why.

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Why not? There’s been talk all day about a remake of Sam Raimi’s low budget terror flick. Theoretically it will rise from the grave and come out of the mist sometime in the near future, but until then, let’s take a look at the original trailer for The Evil Dead. Filmed at a real-life abandoned cabin, this movie was the culmination of high school friends who spent too many hours playing around with Super 8 cameras in their youth. Unsurprisingly, they would grow up to film a scene where possessed trees rape a woman, proving that film school just isn’t necessary to create good art. That scene was actually banned in some countries, but the movie also achieved the rare feat of naming its lead male character Ashley and making him a badass. Now why isn’t anyone clamoring for a remake of It’s Murder!?

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EvilDeadBack

Now to see if they’ll play it as a double feature with Spider-Man 4

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published: 10.30.2014
B-
published: 10.29.2014
D+
published: 10.27.2014
C-
published: 10.24.2014
C-


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