The Wedding Singer is set in 1985, but it might as well have just been set in “The 80s” in big block letters, scare quotes preserved. As represented in that late ‘90s Adam Sandler-starring hit, the ’80s were more of a simultaneous event than a brimming block of time that bore its own shifts and specifics as it rolled on. In the 1985 of the Sandlerverse, New Order was as popular as Nightmare on Elm Street and Billy Idol held simultaneous relevance to “Billie Jean”-era Michael Jackson. Any sign of a previous decade having existed before the ’80s is absent. Much of cinema’s millennial nostalgia for the ‘80s followed the lead of The Wedding Singer. From American Psycho to Hot Tub Time Machine, the ’80s of the ’00s have not been so much a part of history as they are an “idea” having to do with greed, excess, frivolous pop culture, and easy cracks at anachronistic fashion. But somewhere down the line, at some point between La Roux and The Americans, we started to take the ‘80s seriously.


The Best Short Films

Why Watch? This short film from Elise The might be the perfect companion piece to yesterday’s short, “They Come To Get Us.” They’re both pop culture explosions of strikingly different kinds. The latter is a pure overload by numbers, but Synchronize is electric in its ability to use iconic images and twist them in new ways. Using negative imagery, a cut and paste mentality, and a crazed imagination, this short film is stellar work that celebrates the allure and impact of movies. *Note: Some viewers may have to click through to Vimeo and wait a few minutes for it to load as the video is behind some sort of semi-paywall. However, it’s absolutely worth the wait (especially when you can let it load and come back to it later).* What will it cost? Only 3 minutes. Skip Work. You’ve Got Time For More Short Films.



Editor’s note: With our own Junkfood addict Brian Salisbury busy writing through the typhoon that is SXSW, we’ve farmed out his column to similarly-minded Rejects. First up – Adam Charles! Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema. Our jokes are as good as our speling. I’m just kidding…we are good speller. You’ve found yourselves in the annals of a column dedicated to nearly all of the works of Sylvester Stallone except for that one when his Mom will shoot and he’ll warn you about it. We eventually plan on retitling this column Junkfood Cinema: It Is The Laauuwww and today we add one more notch onto the “Stallone takes over Junkfood Cinema” tally, but just before we draw the line to make it complete we’ll offer up a suggestion of something to throw down your kisser in celebration. This week, we give you Tango & Cash.



Whether you’re trying to avoid the releases this week or augment them with even more movie, Your Alternate Box Office offers some options for movies that would play perfectly alongside of (or instead of) the stuff studios are shoving into the megaplex this weekend. This week features a cursed trust fund baby, Matt Damon in a killer fedora, a gawky video rental store employee trying to get the girl, and Hunter S. Thompson in lizard form.



In the immediate wake of high-school graduation from Generic High-School Hoops McCann, an aspiring cartoon artist, is searching for a subject for his love story. Believing he’ll never find inspiration in Generic he decides to take his best friend up on his offer to spend the summer in Nantucket. On their way to the island Hoops helps save a small-time musician, Cassandra, from some motorcycle thugs and begins a friendship that soon develops into a romance. When his new summer love interest’s home gets threatened by a rich family looking to expand their estate Hoops, along with his newfound nerd compatriots on the island, come up with a plan to save Cassandra’s home and exact revenge on their tormentors.

While probably not as well known as writer/director “Savage” Steve Holland’s other ‘80s teen comedy Better Off Dead I will be bold and state that this follow up is funnier. It makes me laugh harder. Better Off Dead is one of the most imaginative teen comedies ever and holds up extremely well to repeat viewings without ever losing any of its potency, but if I’m going to pick one off my dvd shelf to watch seven times out of ten I’ll grab One Crazy Summer for one simple reason. Better Off Dead does not have Bobcat Goldthwait anywhere in the movie whereas One Crazy Summer has him almost everywhere in the movie, and if he’s in the scene at all that scene will be funny – and I will laugh until I feel like I’m about to throw up. He invokes involuntary bulimia in me.



Welcome back to food Cinema; we reserve the right. If you are looking for the internet’s premier bad movie column, you’ve been poorly directed. But if you are looking for a bad movie column that poses just as much threat to your waistline as it does to your intelligence and sense of decency, welcome! Each week I lovingly roast an especially juicy turkey before then basting it with praise that is arguably completely undue. In accordance with my long-standing feud with the President’s Council on Physical Fitness, they know what they did, I will then pair the film with a delectable, if barely edible, snack food item. This week’s snack: Savage Streets. Savage Streets is the story of two sisters: Brenda and Heather. Brenda is a street-wise punk and the only thing she cares about more than breaking rules is her little sister. Heather is deaf and far more on the innocent side than her wild older sister. One night, a group of undesirables comes a little too close to hitting Heather with their car and Brenda decides to pay them back by stealing that car and defacing it. In retaliation the gang tracks down Heather and savagely rapes and beats her. Brenda is disturbed beyond all consolation, but when her best friend Francine is then murdered by the same gang, Brenda decides to even the score with bloody tenacity.



When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline. Synopsis: Picking up about a frame after the events of the first film, Victory Crowley is still in full effect when it comes to killing people in the swamps of Louisiana. Marybeth manages to narrowly avoid death at the hands of Hatchetface, slipping away back to the Reverend Zombie’s shop looking for answers. Intent on recovering the bodies of her deceased relatives, and getting some revenge, Marybeth teams up with a band of hunters to bring back the head of Crowley. Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen.



Back in 2006 I had the great pleasure of viewing Hatchet in theaters, something not many people can claim. At the time, I had an immense amount of fun with the flick. Whether it was the movie, the film festival, or Kane Hodder sitting behind me like a behemoth, I was into it. Press fast forward on the button of life and it’s 2010 and this “old school American horror” flick is available in the high definition Blu-ray format, courtesy of Anchor Bay. If you’re unfamiliar with the title, Adam Green’s first foray into features follows a group of young twenty-somethings, and a few older folks, as they journey into the swamps of Louisiana on a haunted tour. As any learned horror fan would expect, soon things go south and Victor Crowley, the local boogey man, is tearing them limb from limb.


Cockroach Clusters

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; perpetually full.  This is the weekly column that begs the question, “why don’t they just cut off that Salisbury kid’s fingers?!” Each and every Friday I wheel out the very finest, most choice terrible films and force you to sit there and smile as I sing their praises.  Despite what certain recent exposé articles may have espoused, I did not suffer a major head injury trying to recreate the parkour scene from Casino Royale.  Therefore I still have the cognitive capacity to understand exactly why these films are bad, but sometimes we partake of things we know are bad for us.  To that end, I will pair each film with a junkfood item on which you can gorge while you watch the film and bid adieu to each dying brain cell. Brace yourselves this week kiddos, our foray into the unrefined brings us far too close to Vampire’s Kiss.



This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr hops in a time machine to 1984 to grade The A-Team and The Karate Kid.



Knock back a few beers, snort some coke and hop in the Hot Tub Time Machine! Wait that’s a terrible idea. Better just see the flick.



In some ways, Square Pegs reminds me of That 70s Show. The only difference is that That 70s Show was made as an homage to an era while Square Pegs simply existed in its own time.

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published: 01.29.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015
published: 01.28.2015

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