1980s

Being a child of the ’80s and a pre-adolescent product of rock n’ roll’s most fashion-concerned era (you would, in no way, find pictures of me at age six with self-slit blue jeans) Rock of Ages should have been a warm-hearted nostalgia trip for me to a time where bad boys wore girl’s aerobic outfits underneath leather jackets with sapphires and rhinestones, girls had poodle ‘fros and chewed lots of bubble gum, and we both bonded over our love for all songs that just said rock a lot; and the more often the word was repeated in the song the more it was good. Having been adapted from a popular stage production, and helmed by a director who did a splendid job with Hairspray, I expected a tongue-in-cheek romp that would have me struggling to refrain from jumping out of my seat and throwing my fists in the air chanting that I wasn’t gonna take it. After about ten minutes I really was struggling to refrain from jumping out of my seat and throwing my fists, because I really wanted to stop taking it.

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Though he went to great lengths to become cool in Project X, it looks like actor Thomas Mann is right back to being a dork. But that’s okay, because unlike Project X, his new endeavor, King Dork, actually sounds like it has a chance to be funny and entertaining. According to a report from Variety, King Dork was the first project that Gary Sanchez Productions bought when it was formed by Adam McKay and Will Ferrell back in 2006. Adapted from a Frank Portman novel of the same name, D.V. DeVincentis’ (High Fidelity) script tells the story of a couple of late 80s-era outsiders who bond over a love of classic rock and form a friendship that helps get them through high school. Mann is in talks to play the lead kid, and It’s Kind of a Funny Story star Keir Gilchrist his friend. Parks and Recreations’ Nick Offerman is in negotiations to play the Mann character’s stepdad; and if everybody ends up signing on they will all be directed by Gary Sanchez vet Matt Piedmont (Casa de mi Padre).

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There have already been a surprising number of modern sequels and remakes made from the movies of 1982. Films like The Thing and Conan The Barbarian have remakes coming down the pipe while the Rocky franchise has been continued, and The Dark Crystal and Mad Max franchises have both been promised a latter-day continuation. There’s a lot of rich material there, and this weekend sees Tron: Legacy come out almost three decades after the film it’s following. Of course TRON deserves a sequel because of its large cult appeal and the potential expansiveness that the universe always held. However, there are several other films from 1982 that may even be more worthy to get the way-too-late-in-the-game sequel treatment. Here’s six of ‘em.

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Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema: voted #1. Every week I force-feed you hot spoon-fulls of hot garbage from my personal celluloid landfill. These stinkers may have fallen short of technically proficient from the time their scripts were greenlit, but they nevertheless occupy a special, greasy part of my heart.

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RobocopREboot

We may have taken for granted that Darren Aronofsky was going to end up being the director for Robocop. It’s likely that he’ll still do it, but a new scheduling problem may make it that much harder to pull off.

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80sfilmheader

Rejoice! It’s not all doom and gloom when it comes to remakes. There’s a ton of 80s movies that aren’t being remade, and here’s just a handful of the ones we’re most thankful for.

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Jonathan Levine to direct The Sitter

After channeling the 1990s for The Wackness, Jonathan Levine is heading back further in time to bring us The Sitter,

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Watchmen Banner!!!

We tow the line between spoiling everything (we don’t spoil anything) and educating (just some slight preparation) in order to give a decent look at what to expect from a film based on a book that you might not have read yet.

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The New Cast from the Gossip Girl Spin-Off

How do you make a spin-off that doesn’t have any characters from the main show? Set it before they were born. We can only hope Patrick Bateman shows up to set those kids straight.

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