New Kids Nitro

Some movies are masterpieces. Some movies are utter garbage. Then there are the two New Kids movies. New Kids, the Dutch comedy series that brought to life a group of trailerpark hooligans, is back with a sequel to 2010’s New Kids Turbo. This time around, Richard, Gerrie, Rikkert, Robbie and Barrie return to stomp around their home town of Maaskantje to fart, fight and beat up dickheads. Love it or hate it, New Kids Nitro is a here and its blasting Eurodance loud enough to make your ears bleed.

The success of the show relied heavily on a trotline of similar jokes that dangled in some absolutely tepid waters. There isn’t anything off limits, resulting in some pretty gnarly bits that will easily tickle and/or offend the viewer. The wormy apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in New Kids Nitro.

When a meteor crashes to earth, landing in a cow pasture, the bovines lick it like it was made of the last salt on earth. Coincidentally their milk production increases to the point the farmer has too much and has to give it away for free.  Meanwhile, the New Kids boost their car (a pea-green puke colored Opel Manta) from an impound lot because it totally sucks not having wheels.  Things heat up when Rikkert meets his poppin’preggers alcoholic dream woman, who just so happens to be the lady pal of his new rival Dave, who is a loudmouth bizzaro asshole mashup of the entire New Kids gang rolled into one person. Tempers flare and soon we’re subjected to jumpstyle dance fights, car races to the death and a slew of other pissing matches. Oh and zombies turn up on account of tainted moon-milk.

The Kids jam around town selling drugs, dancing, eating  frikandel and being generally loud, abrasive jerks. That’s not to say it isn’t funny though. A scene where Rikkert tries to jump the Manta off a ramp over a group of people is met with macabre results. Same goes for the guys when they set out to save the world dressed like Boyz II Men. The film is a series of setups and jokes loosely wrapped around a plot to guarantee variations on already seen setups and jokes. While it works sometimes, it falls short just as often. The love story allows for a lot of jizz to be sprayed around. The monster side of things brings the gore; and everything in between is soaked in beer and piss. Where the show Trailer Park Boys is subtle with its comedy, New Kids Nitro bounces around like their obnoxious little brother screaming for attention.

Nitro has a built in audience, one that already loves it or will be on board very easily. There’s also the flip side that will absolutely hate their brand of humor. Its a film that isn’t for everyone, and it knows it too. Playing fast and loose, it plows on, not giving the audience much time to settle in as it hammers home the term ‘homo’ to a hardstyle soundtrack. It’s a volite bag of barf you’ll either contribute to or bring a spoon to chow down on.

The Upside: If you like beer and semen the movie has bucket loads of it.

The Downside: If you don’t like beer and semen the movie has bucket loads of it.

On the Side: Steffan Haars (Robbie) and Flip Van der Kuil (Barry) not only acted in New Kids Nitro, they also wrote and directed it.

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