Yesterday Kevin Carr unleashed our list of the Ten Greatest Fictional Secret Agents of All-Time, but we at Film School Rejects know that it is our duty to give you the final say in who really is the world’s greatest fictional secret agent.
There have been many spies over the years, probably even too many to avoid omitting a a really good one from the list. We will be making a judgment call here, by listing as many worthy secret agents, as we think you guys could legitimately argue over in our illustrious comment section.
And the nominees are:
James Bond – The James Bond Series: James Bond is just one of those spies that can’t be touched. He has some of the best gadgets known to man, calling him smooth with the ladies is an understatement and he is a killing machine. Did I mention the amazing cars this guy has used while on the job? Not to mention, his suits could make most people look like they stole some clothes from the salvation army.
Jason Bourne – The Bourne Series: Jason Bourne should be near the top of anyone’s list. He is being hunted down by the very people who trained him, and he is owning them. I don’t know if this is something that you are taught as an assassin or not, but killing a man with a magazine is pretty impressive. I once killed a man with a beachball, but I would love to learn the magazine thing.
Ethan Hunt – Mission Impossible: I’d like to call Ethan Hunt ‘the poor man’s Bond’, but Hunt is basically America’s version of James Bond…all jacked up about scientology. Hunt is another guy that has more gadgets than Steven Hawking, but he has a team. The best spies go at it alone, the rest call their friends when they need their underwear changed.
Maxwell Smart – Get Smart: Maxwell Smart may not be the best agent, but he sure does make things interesting. More of an example of how not to spy, Smart was a longshot to live up to his name. He did have some pretty cool gadgets if anything though.
Michael Corben – If Looks Could Kill: Three words: Richard Fu*king Grieco. America tries yet again to capture the Bond essence, but comes up short. Michael Corben was different though, he was supposed to be a high school student. Other than the fact that Grieco was 26 at the time of filming, this is one of those classic camp spy films that I wish would hit DVD.
Derek Flint – Our Man Flint, In Like Flint: Derek Flint is the original man of mystery. The guy took on a gang of hot women, and was still able to keep his eye on the prize. I can’t even resist a go daddy commercial, and this guy can resist the charms of a half-dozen gorgeous bikini-clad women. Flint is the man when it comes to women, but he can’t kill a guy with a copy of Cosmopolitan.
Austin Powers – The Austin Powers Series: Not to be confused with the original man of mystery, Austin is the international man of mystery. Powers is like the bastard love baby of Bond, Maxwell Smart and Derk Flint. A bastard love baby complete with hideous chompers. He has had his share of ladies and villains, but he is more of an example of how not to be a master of espionage.
Alec Leamas – The Spy Who Came In From The Cold: As far as I know, Leamas is the only Oscar worthy spy of the bunch. Possibly the first spy to take on the role of the reluctant hero as well. A drunk, but a man who does his job, Leamas shouldn’t be left off this list.
Xander Cage – xXx: Xander is a spy for a new generation. Basically he is a bald James Bond on steroids. Gadgets, girls and a GTO make xXx one of the most bad-ass spies ever.
Alex, Natalie and Dylan – Charlie’s Angels: A trio of deadly sexy women named Charlie’s Angels are another example of when sexy meets secret agent. They might not be the most intimidating gang of the bunch, but they can steal intel just as easy as they can seduce men. The fact that there are three of them shouldn’t matter, would you turn down a chance with three sexy female spies?
Harriet M. Welsch – Harriet The Spy: Harriet M. Welsch is probably the closest thing you will find to cute on this list. Harriet the Spy is, by definition, a spy no matter what her age. She might not be a very good one, because her friends find her spy notebook, but give her a break…she is a kid. Not to mention, Michelle Trachtenberg is totally hot now.
Nikita – La Femme Nikita: Nikita is a spy so hot that she had an original film, a remake and a TV series. She is bad-ass, sexy and gave us a taste of what the opposite sex can bring to the world of espionage. In a world dominated by men, Nikita is satisfying in more ways than one.
Sidney Bristow – Alias: Bristow is a master of hot outfits. She could keep you aroused enough to distract you, and then before you know it…you are covered with blood and bruises. Sexy and deadly, this is one woman that I would want to mess with, even if it meant death.
Jack Bauer – 24: Jack Bauer, who shares the same initials with other supreme bad-asses James Bond and Jason Bourne, isn’t exactly a spy but he is involved in espionage to a certain extent. This is the type of guy who would shoot your mother because he doesn’t like the way you cut your hair, so I wouldn’t exactly mess with him.
Now it is time for you to decide who the greatest secret agent is with our poll below: