WTF?: Is Jessica Simpson the Next Direct-to-DVD Queen?

First, it was Steven Seagal. Then it was Wesley Snipes. Now, it’s… Jessica Simpson?

So what does the former Newlyweds star have to do with a chubby marital artist and an over-the-hill tax cheater? Read on and find out.

In case you haven’t seen it, Jessica Simpson is set to star – not just “act” in a supporting role – but actually take the lead in a new film called Major Movie Star. Think of it as a retarded version of Private Benjamin, only not as smart. If you need more info, check out the trailer here…

Although the trailer promises it to be “Coming Soon,” IMDb has yet to list a release date. But before Major Movie Star doesn’t come to a theater near you, we have to deal with the upcoming Blonde Ambition, which is due out next year sometime… in Russia.

That’s right, IMDb does not have a U.S. release noted for this film. And do you know what that means, kiddies? That means they’re contemplating releasing it straight to DVD and bypassing the multiplexes in the states. Go figure, and all this after the box office juggernaut Employee of the Month roared into theaters last year.

Is it possible that Jessica Simpson is the new direct-to-DVD queen?

Strangely enough, with her apparent eagerness to dive into the direct-to-DVD format, it’s a wonder why she didn’t reprise her role in the straight-to-DVD release of The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning. Maybe she figured if that wasn’t good enough for the boobs Johnny Knoxville or Seann William Scott, it wasn’t good enough for her boobs. (Although Willie Nelson didn’t have a problem being Uncle Jesse again for a paycheck.)

Of course, I will defend Jessica Simpson to a point (and this is only to keep alive my chances for a ménage à quatre with Jessicas Simpson, Biel and Alba). Plenty of other “real” actors have gone the direct-to-DVD route before, including Christopher Walken (e.g., The Prophecy sequels), Joe Mantagna (e.g., Cougar Club) and Oscar winners Mira Sorvino (e.g., Between Strangers) and Forrest Whitaker (e.g., Easy Money).

So it can’t be that bad, can it?

Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the early 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends and was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. Now, Kevin is a nationally syndicated critic, heard on dozens of radio stations around the country, and his reviews appear in a variety of online outlets. Kevin is also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (BFCA), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS), and the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA).

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