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WTF: Hannah Montana is NOT Jesus!

Let me start by saying that I have nothing against Miley Cyrus. In fact, I think she’s doing a great job keeping her head above water, and her father Billy Ray is doing a great job keeping an eye on her. (At least this teen star isn’t pregnant or insane like the trailer trash Spears sisters.)

On the same token, I’m not bashing the show Hannah Montana. It’s not the best thing that’s come down the Disney Channel pike, but it’s not bad. Personally, I thought Lizzie McGuire was better, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody has a broader appeal. But at least Hannah Montana is better than that television turd known as That’s So Raven.

My beef is not even with the fans of Hannah Montana. They are by and large teenage girls (with the exception of FSR’s own Josh Radde, whom I hear has the full line of Hannah Montana action figures still in the box, no less). And no one ever accused teenage girls of being level-headed.

I’m taking on the parents. These pathetic, guilt-ridden scum that will lie, cheat and steal to get their kids into a Hannah Montana concert.

If you haven’t heard about this, here’s the low-down. When Miley Cyrus started her concert tour this fall, tickets sold out in a couple of nanoseconds, but not to the fans. Instead, they sold to third-party internet sites that basically scalped them for thousands of dollars.

Sure, you can get arrested for doubling your ticket price outside of a venue, but own a third-party ticket web site, and you can gouge worse than an inconvenience store selling water for $100 a gallon during a hurricane.

It got so bad that there was a woman who actually let her child plagiarize an essay about her father who was killed in Iraq in order to win concert tickets. The catch is that the girls father was not killed in Iraq. Her mother just made that up, to help her daughter “realize her dream of seeing Hannah Montana.”

What the fuck?

First of all, when is it a “dream” to see Hannah Montana? And when is it right to commit fraud to do so? After all, with the street price of these tickets in the thousands of dollars, this should be considered fraud as much as ripping off a credit card for five grand.

And does this Texas media whore actually realize that Hannah Montana is a fictional character? Jesus Christ, people!

But the woman apologized, which I suppose makes everything better. I wonder if someone burned down her house and apologized, if that would make everything better.

Get over it, people! Hannah Montana is not the stuff of dreams! Three thousand dollar concert tickets are not necessary! And teenage girls need to be told “no” from time to time!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to use my slick industry contacts to find a way to get on one of these shows so I can cash in on the Disney cow.

Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the early 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends and was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. Now, Kevin is a nationally syndicated critic, heard on dozens of radio stations around the country, and his reviews appear in a variety of online outlets. Kevin is also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (BFCA), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS), and the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA).

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