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If you’ll take a moment to recall the end of Crank, you may remember Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) falling some 10,000 feet, bouncing off of a car, then slamming to the pavement and dying. Surely you must have found yourself confused when you noticed that he was apparently all better and back in Crank: High Voltage. This isn’t the first time Hollywood has decided some characters were better off alive – here are 10 of the worst ways they’ve brought people back.

10. Voodoo Magic

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The chemistry between Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush was fantastic in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. So fantastic, in fact, that despite his very obvious death Voodoo hoodoo magic was soon utilized to bring him back, good as new.

9. Rescued from Hell

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Why the heck not pick on the Pirates franchise a little bit more? When Jack Sparrow was swallowed by a giant mythical beast, we all knew he’d be back. What we didn’t know that it was a simple matter of just sailing to hell and bringing him back. Go figure.

8. Seriously, I’m a New Character

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What’s the difference between Gandalf the Gray and Gandalf the White? Well, other than some laundry detergent with bleach, not much. Except that Gandalf the Gray really did die and Gandalf the White is like, just a new Gandalf. But the same. But totally different. But the same. What the fu-

7. Made Up Plot Ritual

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Most resurrections could fall into this category, but none would be so accurate as that of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. In the previous installment, Spock did the logical thing and sacrificed himself. To protect against fan outrage and lowered box office receipts, the studio responded by coming up with some strange ritual that involves floating spirits and new bodies. I still don’t get it.

6. Ninja Magic!

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You probably didn’t know ninjas had their own kind of magic, but they do. It’s apparently strong enough to bring back people from the dead, like in the case of Elektra, but not quite strong enough to help a movie make a profit or not be laughed at for the rest of time.

5. Electric Heart

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Chev Chelios in Crank 2 is a recipient of an electric heart that apparently also fixed all the bones that would have been pulverized and re-grew his organs that would most likely be some form of pâté .

4. You Only Thought I Was Dead!

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This is most often reserved for instances within the same movie – say a faked death like in Goldeneye, but characters have made long journeys back from being almost dead several times. Tony Almeda managed to be almost dead for years before returning as a villain in 24.

3. No, that’s a clone!

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In the realm of sci-fi, anything is possible – except not killing people prematurely. Ellen Ripley infamously returned to the series after dying because she was, surprise, cloned! This is similar to No, that’s a Robot! which would cover Terminators and androids.

2. Touched by the Hand of God, or Love

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Number 1 on the sappy bullshit scale, god-like figures can resurrect just about anyone. Neo in The Matrix series fixed Trinity by using his computer god-hand to remove computer bullets from her computer belly. He later found out, like so many nerds, that computer powers mean nothing when a metal rod has been shoved through your loved ones body. The only thing worse than god-hand is pure love. Just kissing a dying or dead romantic interest is often enough to repair sword wounds, bullet holes, or broken bodies.

1. No, that’s his twin!

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Perhaps the ultimate in “We want a sequel with the same star returning” fix-it, bringing in an identical twin proves that no one in Hollywood is really that interested in thinking. You can do it in the same movie — Maximum Risk featured a dead Van Damme being returned by living Van Damme, or you can do it years later to make more money. City Slickers killed off Curly, so they brought in Duke, his identical twin. Geography doesn’t stop this from happening either. John Woo’s A Better Tomorrow saw the death of Chow Yun-Fat’s lead character, so when it came time for a sequel, they just brought in his identical twin who smartly survived the film. I’m pretty sure this also explains the Air Bud franchise and Free Willy sequels as well, but I’ve never watched them so I’m just speculating.

Bonus! Just Ignore It!

Sometimes you just have to pretend nothing bad ever happened. In the TV series Sledge Hammer they ended the first season with the destruction of Los Angeles in a nuclear fireball thanks to Hammer’s ego. The second season stated that it was a prequel, despite everything that happened in Season 1, including his new partner but excluding the nuclear explosion, was canon and had already happened. Takashi Miike, not one for following rules, destroyed the Earth in Dead or Alive, though in the sequel you’ll notice that the Earth is, in fact, still there.

What characters do you remember that have come back under unlikely circumstances?


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