George A. Romero is a talented filmmaker who has some original ideas, except maybe when it comes to naming his films. Take a time of day or a noun and add “of the Dead” after it, and you’re well on your way to creating the next installment. With that thought in mind and the recent announcement of his newest film, we decided to throw Romero a bone and lighten his load by coming up with a list of titles and plots for his next seven films.
1. Drumline of the Dead – In an effort to connect with a young, urban audience, Romero makes the mistake of integrating hip-hop culture with Zombies and inner-city social commentary with disastrously bad results.
2. Spoof of the Dead – An unauthorized installment that has nothing to do with George A. Romero, but mistakenly gets attributed to him (like the Day of the Dead remake), this is the inevitably approaching spoof of Zombie films from the same assholes who make Epic Movie and that trash.
3. Office of the Dead – After the stinging failures of the above mentioned “of the Dead” films, Romero returns to form. In this modern, white collar Romero film, the infestation has overrun the business world. Mindless drones mill around the office space, devouring the weak and preying on former competitors. In the climax, Romero’s social commentary explodes across the screen as its revealed that there wasn’t a single zombie in the entire film, merely corporate sharks and mindless, soulless worker-drones.
4. Drug of the Dead – Setting his sights on health care, drug use, and pharmaceutical companies, a new breed of wonder drug, helpful in curing everything from AIDS to cancer, has unintended side effects when those treated with the disease finally die they return to life to feast on the flesh of the untreated. Somewhat of a new step for Romero, as the Zombies this time represent the rich elite and the victims are the poor; somewhat of a reversal from his normal portrayals.
5. March of the Dead – In this installment, Romero would take aim at the border crisis and immigration control issues in the United States. The Zombie hordes would slowly have grown and multiplied and, with supplies running low, the human survivors would lack the ability to continue waging war and would instead be faced with the eventuality of retreating and surrendering more and more land to the undead.
6. Twilight of the Dead – Sticking with the original Night-Dawn-Day title progression, Twilight of the Dead would be the last installment of the Zombie films, taking place far in the future where humanity has all but become extinct. With no food source and nothing to do, the zombie population itself has dwindled to near nothingness and the Earth is on the verge of being completely homo sapien free. Social commentary would focus on the environment and the harmful effects of men.
7. Birth of the Dead – Going back to the beginning, before Night of the Living Dead, Romero sets his sights on the origins of the Zombie plague. Dealing with the social theme of abortions, the film stands to be one of the hardest hitting, with visuals of baby zombies crawling out of medical waste containers and cannibalizing their mothers while still in the womb. The poster proudly proclaims Death Begins at Conception.
So there you have it, our predictions for the next seven “of the Dead” films. Hopefully the first two shall serve as a warning and never have to be made, but the others, I think, would actually make pretty interesting topics for Romero to tackle. In fact, George, if you’re reading this, let’s brainstorm on Birth of the Dead, I think we’re onto something, buddy!
Which of these would you like to see? What “of the Dead” movie can you come up with?