Movies that Suck: The Redcoats are Shooting! The Redcoats are Shooting!

My love for “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz,” the brain children of the creative team of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, is well known. It’s gotten to a point that it’s a hard love to hide and it’s starting to scare me. I’m hoping I can show my appreciation for their work from their movies to their Britcom “Spaced” in person with a hearty handshake and a beer at the bar, not an anonymous letter and instructions for a drop point.

Rumor has it the threesome of Wright, Pegg and Nick Frost are working on a third film as a trilogy of sorts of British odes to American films, but the rumor mill must be on a break. When “Shaun” came out and gave geeks a new reason to live since hot girls stopping being an option since Kevin Smith’s career started fizzling, buzz about “Hot Fuzz” followed just weeks after it hit American shores. But now weeks later, there’s no word from them. The Internet Movie Database shows they are working on a new British sitcom about trivia pub leagues called “La Trivita,” but no word on their next movie. My stalker network isn’t picking anything up either.

Maybe they just need a bright idea. Here’s the windup and the pitch.

“Sliced Dick”,The twosome take on the American slasher movie with this twisted tale of relentless revenge and British cuisine. One of the queen’s former private chefs begins knocking off the enemies that knocked him out of his dream cooking job in deliciously deadly ways, well as delicious as British food can be. Beware that dark face in the porkpie hat and the red striped rugby shirt.

“Unnecessary Wickets”, The small British town of Foofenpoofer is in danger of financial bankruptcy and the only thing that can breathe life into it is the town’s new cricket stadium built on a bond approved by voters who thought they were voting on a clean air and water ordinance. But one wily coach takes a chance on a group of angry ex-soccer players fresh out of jail for assault charges who aren’t afraid to crack a few skulls on the creases or bowl a batter’s brains out.

“Big Nigel”, A pair of British restaurateurs/brothers are trying to keep their tiny British restaurant afloat when a rival owner tells them he is inviting Ringo Starr to a special dinner at their eatery. The brothers have to overcome their differences, their egos and the horrible nature of British cuisine to cook the greatest meal of their lives.

“For a Few Pences More”, Just because Great British isn’t in the Western hemisphere doesn’t mean they can’t make a kick ass western. In this British take on the American western, a British couple take a trip to Texas to the last patch of American soil untouched by modern society and end up getting a no-holds barred gun battle when they infect their cattle supply with Hoof and Mouth disease.

“Captain Britain”, Comic book movies get the UK treatment in this epic tale of England’s greatest hero since the U.S. military. This mild-mannered fish and chips shop owner by day turns into Captain Britain at the first sign of trouble such as America stealing their rock bands, America stealing their best ideas for TV shows or America taking their best movie directors.

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