I’m not against movie violence. In fact, I encourage it. I think every movie should be violent because it’s a reflection of our world. If “The Care Bears Movie” had Funshine Bear toting an AK-47 and Tenderheart Bear dying in a gasoline fire, you’d leave the theater and do everything in your power to stop violence.

It’s hard not to be so cynical about it when you see as many movies as I do. Almost every major mainstream film features an explosion, a gun battle or enough fake blood to flood a small Bolivian village. How did such a trend start? Some like to think it started with one big budget action blow’em up blockbuster like “Die Hard” or “Lethal Weapon” or “Exploding Fist of Fire and Brimstone and Mayhem Magnum Blast Hollowpoint Bullet Force of Ultra-Death, Destruction and Carnage 2.”

It’s just hardwired into our brains. We’re human and we feel alive when we see other humans in pain. It may sound cruel and unusual and even unnatural, but when you see some pour soul being tortured within an inch of his life in an action flick or a nuclear explosion take out an infected city in a zombie movie, we all have the same thought: “man it sucks to be them.”

Studios are our dealer, and they give us more and more whether it’s good for us or not pushing us closer and closer to the brink of addiction and then we overdose. In this case, overdose means total brain numbness and another Neilsen point for “Family Guy.”

The violence shouldn’t just be there for the sake of being there. It’s got to be in context to the story. There’s a line we’ve crossed with a new genre with films like “Hostel I and II,” “Saw I through III” and “Massive Head Wound Torture Blood and Sinue Gash Open Knee Cap Stringy Dangling Veins and Arteries Femurs Cut Off in Half and Then Separated and Quartered Individually with Rusty Hardware Implements 4 through 7.”

These being the ultimate in blood, guts and gore cinema, I thought the masses would eat them up with a wooden cooking spoon. No, they wouldn’t even bother to taste a bit first or blow on it to see if it’s hot. They would just shovel their giant fat faces with the wooden cooking spoon not even bothering to taste the junk crossing their tongues and into their gunked up systems and then when they realized the spoon was too much of a middleman, they would stick their whole head in the pot and begin biting and gnawing and chewing their way through until their teeth struck Teflon.

I knew these movies would suck. I saw the original “Hostel” of my own volition and no one recommended it to me or said they even saw it, which is something Biblical scholars like to call a divine sign.

But this was basically porno, and not the good kind of porno. It’s the kind of porn that makes you feel unclean and dirty, the kind of porn that can send a whole fraternity into therapy, the kind of porn that makes you wish you could wash out your eyeballs with bleach if it didn’t blind you for life. Director Eli Roth had some underlying message about foreign relations or the depths humanity can sink in the exploration of self-fulfillment, but it was lost with my lunch.

I’m not alone. According to CNN, torture porn is tanking. “Hostel II” only made a measly $17 million and the new “Captivity” didn’t even finish in the top 10 on the opening weekend. Who knows why? Maybe there were better things to see that weekend. Maybe the advertising was bad. Maybe they just sucked.

Just maybe we’re starting to get sick on violence in all its forms and we’ve finally started sobering up. See you in detox.


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