Movie Style Guy: Valentine’s Day

valentine01.jpgLet’s get one thing out of the way immediately: if you’re reading this today, you’ve pretty much screwed yourself this Valentine’s Day, bro. Next time think at least a few days in advance and you won’t have to go through hell either for screwing up Valentine’s Day or having a weak one. That said, I wouldn’t be your Movie Style Guy if I didn’t help you win her heart this February 14th, now would I?

First things first, buddy, get out and get a card. All the good ones gone? Make you’re own in Photoshop, or if you suck at computers (man you are a let down to your parents) then just find a picture of you and the little woman and write something cute on the back. She will eat it up, brother. While you’re looking for a card, grab the flowers. Avoid the roses, they’re probably too expensive if you’ve come to me for advice and they’re probably all gone. Get something unique, chicks think that means you put thought into it. Get a nice, varied arrangement. A few sunflowers won’t cut it, but a colorful bouquet will. You’re golden, baby.

Dinner. Reservations are all booked, huh. Little late in the game for this, but that’s ok. I would say take her some place that is special to you guys, but Magic Johnson’s TGIFridays is pretty weak. So, get ready, you’re cooking tonight. Oh shit, I know. No, its not that hard. Don’t bitch out and by the stuff that’s already made for you. Find a good recipe online and make it happen. It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re probably looking to have some of that sweet sweet love, so avoid the chili or whatever other gross cheesey concoction you call your “specialty.” You want to keep it light. I would recommend to you, as your friend, you buy some small shrimp, like baby shrimp, if its there. This can simply be steamed or fried quickly and lightly in oil. Do not overcook it, brother. You’re also picking up some fettuccine and a light alfredo sauce. Simple man, cook the pasta, warm the sauce, mix it all together. Also, pick up some asparagus, boil it for about 5 minutes, drain, quick fry in light oil and lemon to give it a little special something. Serve with a nice white wine you picked up. Don’t know jack about wine? Either just spend $30 or shop at a place that shows you the point value of a wine and buy something 90pts or up. Or anything award winning.

Dessert. Yes, you need it. You can cheat this a little bit and just buy some chocolates, but odds are its sold out. So are the Valentine’s Day cookies. No problem. Buy a package of graham crackers, some cool whip, Jell-O chocolate pudding mix (and the ingredients to make it, namely milk, if you don’t have any) and some strawberries. Make the Jell-O. Crumble graham cracker into parfait glass (or something semi-classy you have around, could be a small, nice bowl) and then add some chocolate pudding, add a layer of cool whip, then more chocolate pudding, then cool whip, etc. Top with a strawberry. God damn that sounds delicious – you are going to score tonight.

So you’ve finished a lovely meal and you’re not quite ready to call it a night and turn on the Barry White, ok. You can do something lame like go look at stars or some shit, but if you live in a city, you can’t see jack at night. So you’re going to the movies. If you’re planning on a movie, you should pre-order tickets early in the day. Movies sell out on Valentine’s Day because guys like you lack foresight. This weekend you have two choices – if your girl has got the movies and a little soul, Step It Up 2: The Streets will get her wanting to thrust those hips and drench herself in water. Ooh baby. If stomping the yard and taking things off the chain isn’t your speed, enjoy the company of the handsome Ryan Reynolds and a bevy of beautiful girls including Isla Fisher and Rachel Weisz. No doubt cute enough to get her in the mood.

And if all else fails, get a big ass boombox, make a sweet mix-tape and stand outside of her house blaring the volume until she falls in love with you or calls the cops. If she isn’t in love with you within the first two songs, its time to run, because the fuzz is on the way.

For all you single fellas out there that are taking Valentine’s Day off this year, Rambo is still in theaters….

And with that, your Movie Style Guy here saying “Happy Valentine’s Day” and “I hope you score.”


Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

Read More from Robert Fure
Get Film School Rejects in your email. All the cool kids are doing it:
Previous Article
Next Article
Reject Nation
Leave a comment
Comment Policy: No hate speech allowed. If you must argue, please debate intelligently. Comments containing selected keywords or outbound links will be put into moderation to help prevent spam. Film School Rejects reserves the right to delete comments and ban anyone who doesn't follow the rules. We also reserve the right to modify any curse words in your comments and make you look like an idiot. Thank You!