10 Things We Demand From ‘Terminator 5’

Come with me if you want a sequel.

So Terminator Salvation has come and perhaps very soon will be gone. May is a hard month for repeat customers and next week’s release of Up may limit some Terminator action. That said, the Christian Bale/Sam Worthington vehicle managed to pull in more than $67 million and The Halcyon Corporation has already started the wheels turning on the sequel which may land as early as 2011. Despite how hard several of us Rejects have been on the film, we’re all for a sequel. We love us the Apocalypse and robotic assassins. But if they’re going to make this movie, they better make it right. Thus, we have compiled a list of demands that must be met to ensure success.

10. Take the Time to Do it Right. I think the time table is really what killed Salvation. The Writer’s Strike basically froze the script in a pile of shit. The Strike stopped the script while it was still about Marcus and only had 3 pages of John Connor in it. Christian Bale had just said if they write a bigger part for Connor, he’d take it. No one budged on the release date though, so time kept passing with no work being done. Then they were forced to make this movie fast. If a sequel should happen, they have to take the time to do it right. McG loves talking out of his ass about how Christopher Jonathan Nolan is on as a writer. Well, give him the time to write it. Don’t hand him some pile of shit script and hope he can add in the awesome. Stirring sugar into a pile of dog crap doesn’t make it edible. You already have a great franchise with a great fanbase and a great pair of actors ready – don’t rush the script, you asshats.

9. Forget The Matrix ever happened. Skynet is a vague mastermind computer. It is not a rip-off of ‘The Architect’ who is portrayed by Helena Bonham-Carter being all sassy. There shouldn’t be things like holograms and computer simulations and all that stark whiteness. The machines play dirty and they are dirty. We want androids and cyborgs and badass robots, not smarmy machines.

8. Time Travel is Optional. Some people complained this was the only movie that didn’t feature time travel. That’s okay. It took place in the future, which we wanted. Don’t rob us of our future war and insist on time travel in the next film. You can still do something original while you…

7. Stick to the Canon. There are somethings that shouldn’t change. Judgment Day happens. John Connor leads the resistance to victory. Anything else is bullshit. Don’t make it that John Connor leads the resistance to victory by fathering the child who actually leads the resistance to victory. Don’t make it so that his sacrifice is what does it. We’ve seen images of the future in the past, better films and John Connor defeating the machines by being a bad ass. That’s why you hired Christian Bale and machines are so scared of him.

6. Brad Fiedel’s Score. The music that accompanies the Terminator is classic and instantly recognizable. Would you make Jaws without the Jaws Theme? Fiedel’s score should be the starting point, not a reference. PS: Danny Elfman’s score of this latest installment was weaksauce.

5. McG is Optional. There was a lot of hesitation when McG was announced to direct, apparently with good reason. Terminator Salvation wasn’t very good. McG may be contractually bound to sit in the director’s chair again. If that’s so, fine. But if not, feel free to put someone in there to do the job better.

4. Deliver More Kyle Reese. Anton Yelchin did a great job despite not having a big enough role. Kyle Reese and John Connor are supposed to be pretty tight. Give Reese a bigger, more action-oriented part and keep Yelchin in the role.

3. Terminators. Lots and lots of Terminators. Salvation only delivered us a few T-650s. Most of the robots we saw were Hunter Killers. Meh. More cybernetic assassins. Show us what a war really looks like.

2. A Future War. Who among us does not want to see what Earth looks like in the year 2029? We’ve seen glimpses – hundreds of T-800s marching across Los Angeles. Hunter Killers floating above massive T-1 like tanks. Human skulls crushed underfoot as the resistance fighters themselves flee in armored pick-ups, firing laser cannons, and generally looking like awesome. Salvation was about 10 years too early to be that film. Rumors for the next sequel take even more steps backwards. This can not happen.

1. Make Christian Bale the Star. The Connors have always been the main focus of the franchise. Sarah Connor passed the torch to John and we’ve wanted a movie about awesome ass-kicking action since we first got a glimpse of it. Now they’ve cast Christian Bale as John Connor. Any further Terminator sequel that does not feature Christian Bale as John Connor as the leading role is a serious misstep. In Salvation Marcus Wright was too much the focus. McG said Sarah Connor might be the star of the next sequel. WRONG. Christian Bale as John Connor is it or you can go fuck yourself.

Those are our demands. If you expect the franchise to survive to Terminator Six, you had best meet them.

What are your demands of a fifth Terminator? Would you want to see one?

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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