Officially Cool

The next presidential election is pretty well covered. Most of us were going to balance the ups and downs of the McCain/Palin team and the Obama/Biden team. Well not so fast kids, what about the dynamic duo making waves on the independent ticket as we speak? Don’t know who I’m talking about? None other than presidential hopeful John McClane and his running mate Hans Gruber.

You might remember McClane from his heroic Die Hard franchise. Gruber was initially a terrorist, but clearly has the capacity for good. The two are perfect for America don’t you think? It appears that the running mates already have a website up, complete with a shop for t-shirts and other swag. Enough from me, let’s hear what their supporters have to say to the question ‘Why John McClane?”

Why Not? John McClane is a Badass. He’s an American. He doesn’t take shit from terrorists. He smokes. He crawls through air conditioning ducts. He’s a lover AND a fighter. So, shouldn’t we, The United States of America, have someone like John McClane in office? He would be the perfect leader of the free world. He would bitch-slap everyone that pisses him off. He won’t lie to our faces, he’ll tell it like it is. He wears his heart upon his sleeve, when he’s wearing sleeves. He’s not afraid of a little blood. Whether it’s his or a shitty terrorist’s. He has a squinty seriousness about him. He’s got a tattoo, too. Yeah, he’s a goddamn American and he’s goddamn proud of it. America needs John McClane. So, citizens of the free world… rise up and embrace the future of America. John McClane. He takes shit from no one. Ever.

There you have it kids. Make sure to vote.

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