Movie News After Dark: Cusack as Poe, God Hates Sundance, Sexy Slimer and Natalie’s Nerd Laugh

What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this shit late at night, what do you expect?

Tonight’s header image is John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe in The Raven. That movie was picked up today be Relativity Media for distribution, meaning that you might see it in theaters before the apocalypse. That’s always good news.

What’s Playing seems convinced that Huckleberry Hound is the next in line to get a CGI/Live-action film, this in the wake of the success of Yogi Bear. The colorful hound did win animation’s first Emmy back in the ’60s. But that doesn’t make it right.

Explore the wonderfully strange history of Kevin Costner’s cinematic accents. Strange might be an understatement.

According to the cracked nuts over at the Westboro Baptist Church, God hates Sundance because it enables homosexuals (I’m not using that other word, it’s dirty) like Kevin Smith to make movies that pollute our youth and rape our women. It’s a soul-sucking venture. Or something like that. I don’t know, it all seems a bit crazy to me. Taking a piece of text (in this case, the Bible) that seriously is pretty dangerous. It’s akin to taking Kevin Smith’s twitter feed seriously.

Like any good dad, Will Smith likes to shower his children with gifts. Unfortunately for the rest of us, these gifts come at the expense of rehashing been-done Hollywood classics. He gave son Jaden The Karate Kid, and now he’s giving daughter Willow the musical Annie. No word yet on how much Annie will “whip her hair back and forth.”

Speaking of musicals… Get ready for this one. Clint Eastwood is being linked to the director’s chair on a re-re-remake of A Star is Born starring Beyoncé. I leave you to draw your own wild conclusions from there.

I’m not looking to make the world jealous, but I need to share this next item. The following is a present that I received from my lovely lady friend Kayla Kromer (@KaylaKro) as a pre-Valentine’s Day/Sorry About Your Sundance Depression gift. She made it. Like, with her own two hands. It’s perhaps the greatest limited edition item of any kind that I own:

Speaking of the oncoming depression that will be overtaking me as I sit idly by as all my friends party at Sundance this week. Here is Cinematical’s expose on How Movies Taught Us How to Deal with the Depression. Which is almost the same thing. Both make me sad. Reading this article makes me happy. It’s a good day for base emotions here at Reject HQ.

Yesterday I made you aware of the fact that Robert Downey Jr. was walking away from Oz, the Great and Powerful, the Wizard of Oz prequel of director Sam Raimi. Today I’m here to tell you that Johnny Depp is in the running to take over. This means, of course, that it will be another Jack Sparrow/Willy Wonka/Mad Hatter hybrid character in a Disney movie. Please, where can I sign up to see this movie? I want to see it now. No, I’m not joking. Yes, sarcasm is in these days.

Brian Singer is being tagged with directing an upcoming biopic of famed choreographer Bob Fosse. It should be fabulous.

Armond White accuses other members of the New York Film Critics Circle of racism. Tomorrow in Armond White news: the noted rabblerouser accuses everyone who doesn’t agree with him (which is usually everyone) of being a racist. He’ll still be a giant, raging asshole though.

Kiefer Sutherland is really holding out hope for that 24 movie that’s never going to happen. In other news, Kiefer Sutherland has nothing else going on at the moment.

Do yourself a favor and read this retrospective on the films of Peter Weir. It will make you smarter.

In tonight’s closing moments, it’s time for a little segment I like to call “Hooray, Internet!” In which the internet takes something little — like Natalie Portman’s nerd laugh at the Golden Globes — and turns it into a meme. You may think it’s funny, but I find it adorable:

Tonight in site news, our coverage of the 2011 Sundance Film Festival should kick in over the weekend. We’ve got some of our best and brightest on the scene and we’ll be giving you daily updates, reviews, interviews and other random shenanigans as the week goes along. It will be worth your time, even if it makes me frown (I really am milking this “I’m not going to Sundance this year, so pity me” thing, aren’t I? It’s despicable.)

Neil Miller is the Founder and Publisher of Film School Rejects. For almost a decade, he has been talking movies on television, the radio, and the Internet. As of yet, no one has stopped him.

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