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We Cast the Expendables Sequel! So Stallone Doesn’t Have To…

13. Isaiah Mustafa. Who? The Old Spice Guy. Yes, the Old Spice Guy. Everyone loves this guy’s commercials and studios are looking for some place to put him to capitalize on his fame. It’s almost too good not to put him in here. How many jokes can you make about diamonds and smelling good? A lot. Who would he play? Simple: Hale Caesar’s (Terry Crews) brother, who was just kicked out of the Army Rangers. Sly, if you’re listening….

The Wild Cards

I could go on and on suggesting people for Expendables 2. So much so that I still have six names on my list. No way we’d ever get all these dudes into the film – unless there was a second team! Maybe they’re called the Wild Cards and we see them in a cameo. Or maybe these people take on big cameo roles, like Schwarzenegger, or otherwise get in the film. Really, I just don’t want to edit my list.

1. Kurt Russell. Russell apparently turned down a chance for Tango & Cash 2 and a role in the first Expendables, so he should reteam with Stallone briefly in the sequel for old times sake. Plus he’s awesome.

2. Peter Weller. Robocop. Nuff said.

3. Michael Bien. Basically anyone who was ever in a Schwarzenegger movie is an automatic in for this flick.

4. Robert Patrick. To replace Eric Roberts, maybe?

5. Roddy Piper. Just in case we haven’t had enough old wrestlers.

6. Clint Eastwood. Just a cameo again here, either as some super high up boss or the leader of an even older team of mercenaries.

7. Mel Gibson. I’m not kidding. Mel has an extensive action repetoire and needs to fix the public opinion of him. What better way than Mad Maxing it up with the Expendable army?

8. An Entirely CGI Charles Bronson. Now, I am kidding.

Who would you cast in The Expendables 2?

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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