I seriously have absolutely zero interest in seeing Sorority Row, but I’ll be damned if they aren’t marketing it exactly how it needs to be advertised. The production seems to understand fully that their strong points lie in the assets of the young women they’ve thrown into a house together and the group showering and pillow fights that ensue.

And judging by these Not-At-All-Safe-For-Work clips, that’s basically all they have going for them. SPOILER ALERT - these clips show the deaths of two of the characters, so if you don’t want to know who dies, avoid them. But if you don’t mind knowing in order to see a girl have a bottle shoved down her throat and blood bubbling up into it or a quick flash of toplessness in the Senior Shower, then by all means be our guest:



So it’s pretty clear that the atmosphere-creating moments are really, really, truly, tragically bad. I imagine the movie will float from set piece to set piece, having a tense conversation followed up by a girl solely venturing somewhere with no music only to ask the air around her if anyone is there. Bad move. Classic horror trope, yes, but it looks like it’s being handled here with the artfulness of a sledgehammer.

But I do have to admit that the bottle death scene is pretty fun. Hopefully the scene in the film let’s us see the entire thing fill up…

This bastion of American horror opens up on September 11th.

What do you think?

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