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Those New Jennifer Lopez Movies You Didn’t Ask For Are on Their Way

Nice work America, you really did it this time. This was the season that everybody was finally supposed to stop watching American Idol. This was the season they were coming back without all of their signature judges, surely a death knell for any long running television show. But instead of abandoning a sinking ship, you people kept watching the show in bigger numbers than ever, and now there’s renewed interest in the career of replacement judge Jennifer Lopez. I’m not saying that I have anything against Jennifer Lopez. She’s probably a nice enough rich person, and I respect the size and shape of her butt, but I was pretty content living in a world where she didn’t star in lame romantic comedies anymore, and those days appear to soon be over.

Reports are that Lopez is in negotiations to appear in two films. The first is the Jason Statham starring action film Parker, which has been previously reported as being directed by Taylor Hackford and adapted from the written works of Richard Stark. Parker is a literary character who has been brought to the big screen before, most notably as played by Mel Gibson in Payback and Lee Marvin in Point Blank. If Lopez signed on to the film she would be playing the girl. I can’t imagine there’s much more to it than that.

The second film that she is in negotiations for is the Kirk Jones directed What to Expect When You’re Expecting, a movie that’s being adapted from a Goddamned pregnancy manual. This one is already set to star Cameron Diaz and Matthew Morrison; Lopez would reportedly play a side character named Holly.

Sure, that doesn’t sound like such a big deal at first glance. A love interest and a side character; what’s the big problem? This is how it starts, people. Once we go to see these movies, then Lopez starts getting put in more of them. Soon the Hollywood sequel machine gets hold of her newly reclaimed star power and suddenly we’re watching Maid in Manhattan 2 and The Wedding Planner 2. And you know what the worst part of all this is? Nowhere in that plan does there appear to be room for my real dream of getting the whole gang back together for Money Train 2. I mean, come on, Wesley Snipes has to be getting out of jail sometime, right? [Deadline Berwyn]

Weaned on the genre films of the 80s. Reared by the independent movement of the 90s. Earned a BA for writing stuff in the 00s. Reviews current releases at templeofreviews.com

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