No, I’m not thinking Doubtfire vs. Madea. Technically that would involve a man fighting a woman, as Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire is Robin Williams playing a male character who dresses as an old lady while Mabel “Madea” Simmons is just Tyler Perry playing an old lady. It doesn’t sound like a fair battle. Obviously Madea would kick the fake nanny’s ass.
But the synopsis I have in mind is similar for this Mrs. Doubtfire sequel that Fox 2000 has just announced with original director Chris Columbus and Williams both on board. It has to be an Expendables type movie, which means it’s not just Doubtfire 2 but an ensemble piece in which Williams as Daniel Hillard as Doubtfire is joined by Dustin Hoffman as Michael Dorsey as Tootsie, Martin Lawrence as Malcolm Turner as “Big Momma,” David Cross as Tobias Funke as Mrs. Featherbottom, Miguel A. Nunez Jr. as Jamal Jeffries as Juwanna Mann, Harland Williams as Doofer as Roberta from Sorority Boys and Amanda Bynes as Viola Hastings as Sebastian from She’s the Man, and they’re on a mission to … whatever it doesn’t matter, just like an Expendables movie.
Before you add to the cast and characters for my pitch, note that none of the above are legit drag queens or kings (sorry Wesley Snipes and Hugo Weaving), nor are there any anachronistic inclusions (sorry Barbara Streisand and Glenn Close). And, very sadly, I can’t include those actors who are deceased (sorry Jack Lemmon and Jonathan Brandis). Also, keep the Wayans and their white chicks the hell away from my movie.
Even as is, I know it’s a pretty lame idea, and that’s genuinely the closest thing to something I’d actually bother to see. But I was never a Mrs. Doubtfire fan to begin with. Not only was it released too late for me to find any comedic value in the concept or execution, but I never could get over the fact that an Oscar-winning makeup job that took four and a half hours to be applied was to be believed as the same convincing get up that Williams’s character could more quickly put on each day.
But with tonight’s official announcement, which followed at least 13 years of development at the studio, has come a memetic chain of joke pitches for what should be the plot of Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Since that part of the project has not been revealed (my question: will the Doubtfire character have to have aged 22 years?), only that the “right” idea finally came from writer David Berenbaum (Elf; The Haunted Mansion). Here are some of my favorites thrown out there on Twitter: