The Reject Report

Welcome to another thrilling Reject Report, which today comes to you in glorious 3-D! So put on your glasses, sit back and tune in. We have three new movies on tap at the local theaters this weekend –quite a change from previous weeks when we’d have only one or two big blockbusters rolling out to destroy all competition. So it makes predicting the order of finish a little tougher for yours truly. The three new contenders on the big screen are Meet Dave, Journey to the Center of the Earth, and Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

Eddie Murphy in Meet DaveSo, obviously you’re excited. No?!? Well, to be honest, this looks like another one of those calm-before-the-storm weeks, as everyone anticipates The Dark Knight rolling out. But you have to like the variety of movies on display this weekend. Note that I said “you have to like the variety of movies” — I was careful not to refer to the quality of the movies. In Eddie Murphy’s case, you may not like the finished product at all. So here we go, beginning with him.

First of all, I must say that I am not impressed already with Meet Dave. It seems like a pile of junk, just looking at the trailers and the movie posters. Who made these posters anyway? The same people who did the marketing for Norbit? It’s pretty much the same font! Same kind of font that you see for the Scary Movie/Date Movie/Epic Movie/Meet the Spartans pieces of junk that everyone hates. Bad move on the marketer’s part, in my book.

In this movie, a crew of aliens from another planet pilots a spaceship that looks like a human. Eddie plays one of the aliens and also of course, plays Dave the spaceship. Things get complicated when Dave the spaceship falls in love. Gabrielle Union and Elizabeth Banks are also in it.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I went over to Rotten Tomatoes and it confirmed what I thought: twenty-seven per cent rotten rating, yada yada. But for some reason, the folks at Variety thought this flick was a “pleasant surprise” — probably because they expected a movie that was completely goddamn awful.

I think the real problem is that Eddie Murphy has yet to erase the stench left over from that awful Norbit movie that everyone thinks was so terrible. So everyone will look at the trailers and the posters and assume this Dave movie is a stinking piece of junk, just because of Murphy’s involvement. So they won’t bother to show up.

Life is unfair! In any event, I am not too confident that Eddie Murphy will be raking in any cash this weekend. I think Eddie’s going to be lucky to take home twelve million dollars at the theaters this weekend.

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3DNext we look at Journey to the Center of the Earth, which is yet another big 3-D rollout this year? What’s with all these 3-D movies? It has been a big year for 3-D, with Hannah Montana and that U2 movie having rolled out earlier this year. This effort is based on the Jules Verne novel, which itself was made into a movie called Journey to the Center of the Earth back in 1959 starring Pat Boone and James Mason. The latest version is directed by Eric Brevig and stars Brendan Fraser. Josh Hutcherson and Anita Briem. In this movie, a scientist along with his nephew and a mountain guide make a breakthrough discovery that leads them to the center of the earth — and face to face with the strange and dangerous creatures there.

This is rolling out on 2,811 screens, with hundreds of those being in 3-D. Normally I would pick a movie like this one to do really good business. The competition this weekend, though, is fierce, which is why I only see a $21 million take for this flick. Needless to say, I don’t see any 3-D records falling this weekend; Hannah Montana pretty much shattered those.

Last but not least, we head into sequel territory again with Hellboy II: The Golden Army, directed by Guillermo del Toro. That’s right — for the umpteenth week in a row we have a superhero movie rolling out in theaters. Ron Perlman, Selma Blair and Doug Jones star in this movie based on the Dark Earth comics. Here, it’s the epic battle between the realm of reality and the realm of fantasy, and Hellboy must save the world from the mythological creatures that are rebelling against Earth.

Hellboy II: The Golden ArmyInterestingly, the first Hellboy movie released in 2004 only made $23 million its opening weekend. But a lot of people think it will do a lot better this time around. The director has made a big name for himself, and it’s summer — just the right time for people to go out and watch superhero movies.

I am predicting $32 million for Hellboy II, which rolls out in 3,200 theaters. The reason I am not picking it to do better is because the competition is tough, and I am kind of freaked out because the original only did $23 million its opening weekend. So I am hedging my bets.

What does this all mean? Well, Hancock made a big chunk of change last weekend, although the final totals ended up being around $103 million for the five-day holiday period once all the money was counted. It’s bound to take a steep drop, but it will make enough money to make things really interesting at the top of the charts this weekend. My order of finish is as follows:

1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army $32 million
2. Hancock $29 million
3. Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D $21 million
4. WALL-E $20 million
5. Meet Dave $12 million
6. Wanted $10.5 million
7. Get Smart $7 million
8. Kung Fu Panda
$5.2 million
9. The Incredible Hulk
$2.8 million
10. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull $2.6 million

So there it is: Hellboy II wins! My fearless prediction for the weekend — although I must admit, this is one weekend where I am not quite as confident that I will get my first-place prediction right as I was in previous weeks. With all these blockbuster movies rolling out in recent weeks it has been really easy to predict which movie was going to finish in first place. But it’s starting to get tougher because there are a lot of movies being rolled out.

Next week, my first-place prediction will once more be easy as heck to make. Stay tuned for the final numbers for this weekend on Sunday again here at the Reject Report!


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